OK but the truth is although I am an avid swimmer and underwater gymnast I just can't dive. I have tried for years and years to learn how to dive. I still can't do it. I look like some sort of leaping creature landing on my face or belly.
So yesterday when I accidentally hit submit on my graduate school application it felt like jumping in an ice cold pool in May. I can't say I dove in because I don't know how to dive. I know the application was complete I looked it over multiple times as did Paul. I was having trouble uploading my essays and I hit submit not save. It was sent with out the essays. Which I was able to quickly remedy.
It just all felt so sudden. I felt panicked because I wasn't quite ready to hit submit. I guess in the end it was like ripping off a band aid. Did it quick so it hurts less. I hope that one day I will be writing on here about how hysterical that moment was. Today though I am still feeling like I have just jumped into a cold pool.
I am sure just as my anxiety calms I will get some sort of acceptance or rejection. Those are to be dealt with later.