It's March 31st. Today was my personal deadline for getting the blasted Documentary done. It didn't happen. There is no way it will be done by the end of the day. Hopefully sometime soon-ish though. There is not one person in this world that wants this crap done more than I do. I want to put it to bed. I want to say here it is. I am done. I will never ever under any circumstance agree to do something like this again. The idea of being a one woman production crew was a stupid one in the first place. While I do have Paul who does what he can, I am the one who needs to get shit done. I wanted to make a documentary for a long time, it's just that when you are producing for someone else, the ideas, the stories aren't yours. You have to try to translate it into something on the screen. This is where someone who has been editing for other people would have been handy. I have only edited my own projects. It's hard to translate someone's ideas into something on the screen, with no guide other than a few conversations. It's like writing the biography of a person you have never met and lived a pretty normal life. There isn't much information to go on if there is no historical record of the person. Add to that trying a few times to make shorter versions and they are disappointing. It's like trying to meet a standard but you don't know what the standard is. At the end of the day you can't be in someone's head. You can't see their vision. All you have is your own and the hope that when it is finally complete it is good enough.
Today I am grateful for... it's hard to say... maybe the ability to feel even if it is frustration.
May you be blessed today by the lack of deadlines.