Monday, March 28, 2011

The Melt Down

It is nearly two in the afternoon. Baby Girl has been sleeping for a little over an hour. This means I have an hour if I am lucky to get a whole lot of crap done. Then there is the stuff that I can't get done until she wakes up, like food shopping and dog walking. I have been going nonstop since I woke up this morning. I want to settle into the chair and just relax. While I am currently in a chair, I am working from it. I wanted to take a few minutes to get some writing in, since I try to daily write something of purpose.

I am so stressed out lately. There is just a lot going on and a lot of deadlines. The two biggest tasks at hand are prepping for the move and getting this blasted documentary done. We have to work on these things after Lilia is in bed. Usually by the time she gets to bed we are so freaking tired we have no energy left. This week though we have some serious tasks ahead so we will be staying up late and getting up early and trying to survive.

Add to my plate that tomorrow my mother has a realtor coming to asses the house. So I have to have it some what decent at 5pm tomorrow. It is decent now, but that is over 24 hours away and with a toddler impossible to maintain. I spent the morning cleaning up all of yesterday's messes. Every time I see the house is a disaster again my breath catches in my throat and I feel the tears coming. I feel like I clean up messes for no less than 18 hours a day. I have so much other stuff to get done. When I am not cleaning up a mess I am spending time cleaning up a half mess. Let me define, this is when Paul helps with something. So let's say he fed the baby. She is clean and fed but the high chair tray is a wreck, there is dried up cheese in the high chair and somewhere there is a bib thrown and a wipe.

I also took on planning a party for someone else to bring in a little extra cash. We need every penny of extra cash we can get to make this move work so neither of us is in a position to turn down work.

I have cried twice in the past two weeks. This is totally abnormal for me.

My left index finger is messed up. It hurts no matter what I do for the past week. I am also starting to physically feel the stress. The tension in my back, the random sweating and the heart palpitations.

So all of this to say, I am going to have a major melt down soon. I am not sure when but I can tell you I will probably be somewhere awkward like church or Target.

The good news is however, that we may have found a way for Paul to work and I to be in school and avoid childcare cost all together for the first 6 months to a year. This is an incredible relief.

Today I am grateful for the little things that keep me going.
May you be blessed by some small happy thing today.

No comments:

Post a Comment