Friends have grace with me as I write through a current struggle. You see I am in the middle of my final exam week. I have three exams to prepare for and two final papers to write. As of this moment I have one paper near completion and that's it. Paul has a work schedule that has him on for ten days straight during my exams which means I have to work my study schedule around his work schedule and it isn't working because after a long day of having Lilia on my own I am exhausted at the end of the day. I end up having to stay up until 1 or 2 in the morning to get subpar work done because I have no energy left.
I am sitting here at my computer trying to get Lilia to nap so I can finish up a paper and get it handed in when I learn that I need double the child care I thought I did next semester. I also only have half of my January term covered. I just burst into tears, it all feels like too much. It feels incredibly unfair that all this childcare falls to me and I have to arrange my schedule around a work schedule that gives me little room to work with. Maybe this whole thing was a bad idea. We can't afford much childcare and our current schedules aren't allowing us the flexibility we need.
I don't know what to do or what to say other than writing this makes me feel incredibly vulnerable.
Gratitude for my daughter abounds even in this stress of finding care for her.