LG started pre-school last week. She is adjusting well and seems to really enjoy school. Aside from a few potty issues she is mastering being in school every morning. Case in point, Lilia did you pee your pants again, No Mommy I pooped my pants. She wasn't lying. That was our conversation as I put her in her back into her car seat. I think it was pretty typical for motherhood at least for me.
Earlier this week we had some storms and I worried about where they take the kids in the case of a tornado. Tornadoes are still new for me and their inability to be predicted makes me nervous. Then as I was folding some laundry I realized I didn't have my phone on me, I ran and got it thinking if LG isn't with me then surely my phone should be. I am very comfortable with the staff at her school, I feel like she is in excellent hands. There is part of me though that gets a little panicky. Of course being me I didn't just let that settle I thought it through. What makes me nervous is that I am not there to protect her. Protect her from what? Well people sure do seem to be going into random public places and shooting them up. I think the chances of this happening at her preschool are pretty slim. I thought about writing this a few days ago, I wrote it off as paranoia. I dropped it, in my head, anyway.
Then right before I went to pick LG up I heard about the shoot at The Empire State Building. It all came flooding back. First off I live in a place where a good number of people are carrying guns and those that aren't have them, this makes me nervous to begin with. My train of thought started back up again. I don't think my mother ever worried that I would get shot while at school. I never worried about going to school and getting shot at, or going to a movie or the mall or a PLACE OF WORSHIP or anywhere. Don't get me wrong I don't loose sleep over this and I don't let it stop me from doing anything. Its just there in the back of my mind. I hate that there are times when I can't protect her.
What does it mean for older children who know that these things happen? Will she grow up afraid that she is going to get shot up by going to school or church? Right now she is oblivious what am I going to do when she understands and asks questions? How do I teach her to not be afraid but to be smart and aware of what is going on around her?
Today I am grateful that my LG is still too young to really understand any of this.