Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Memory is a Gift

Tonight I took a quick trip to a craft store, I read about a cute advent calendar idea and wanted to price some supplies, I also wanted to look for some supplies for the hand prints we make each year with our daughter. As I was in there I passed some lovely little ornament frames, on sale. I looked them over and did a thing I have been dreading. It seems that each Christmas there is someone else missing. In 2007 when my grandmother passed away, my mom and I made ornaments for each of the grandchildren and children. The following year I did one for people who had passed away a few years earlier. This way they are there with us through the holiday season amid all the glitter and twinkling lights, their pictures hang with smiles in place. My grandparents, my father, my stepfather. Tonight I added my sister in law, bonus sister is a more appropriate term. I cried in the craft store as I picked up the perfect frame for her, with a little date tag, 2012. I doubt I will forget this year, it was going really well and then September the third just happened. Life changed we were all left with heavy hearts that have gaping holes where Donna should be. It is a loss like no other that I have experienced. I have always dreaded the day I would lose a sibling and I can't imagine its much different then what this feels like.
Donna on our tree.

Last Christmas I mourned the loss of our traditional Christmas Eve party. We have all moved to different parts of the country and for the first time in my life I spent Christmas Eve with no siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. I find myself at times incredibly sad that my sweet LG will never know the joy that I knew on Christmas Eve. I have tried to think of ways to recreate those memories for her but the truth is, I can't. The people who made those days special have started to move on from this life. With out Grammy, with out Donna it just wouldn't be the same.

Today I find myself incredibly grateful for my gift of memory. I am able to remember parts of life so clearly it is almost as if I am transported back there to another time. LG may never know the Christmas Eve's that I knew but I always have them close to my heart, precious and protected, memories.

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