Sunday, September 12, 2010

Being Good

OK so really I should probably spend time reflecting on today's sermon because it was a good one. The last two times I have been in church I have understood things and felt really connected. This is a very good thing. However I am going to let them simmer a little longer.

I want to write about something very personal that I have never really written and shared before. I have always struggled with my weight. Always from the time I was like five I was fat of course then they called it chubby or baby fat. I never out grew it. I just got well fatter. In my mid twenties I learned part of the reason, hormones not working how they should. The only medication that helps makes me incredibly sick. At least there was a reason for the struggle.

Lately I have been feeling crummy so I decided to monitor my diet. Not go on a diet because that is just a set up for failure. Now my other problem is I tend to be an emotional eater. Which might also explain why childhood wasn't good for me. My grandmother comforted me with cake and cookies and candy and ice cream and all those tasty things that seem to start with a C. Then I would wash them down with root beer because me and Grammy loved root beer. I should be clear my Grammy just enjoyed feeding people. I am in no way implying it is her fault I packed on the pounds.

In the past few years I have been able to identify when I am emotional and eating and try to just own it. I am emotional and I am trying to eat my feelings away. This week though I made huge progress. At least in my own opinion. Twice this week I faced really emotional situations. Twice I resisted the urge to stuff myself full of crap or soda.

Friday night as I sorted through Kira's old clothes I was crying and hugging them. I thought about drinking a ton of soda but I didn't. I thought about french fries and sweets but I didn't go get any. Which is kind of funny because that is the only time I eat those foods in quantity.

Anyhow I did it. I resisted the urge to eat when I was upset. I feel like that was a little victory for me. One I am rather proud of maybe the start of something new.

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