A few days ago I shared my first sermon with my mentor (that seems so formal but I guess it is the appropriate term), I was nervous about the feed back I would get. After all the whole purpose of the sermon was to fill his shoes. Those are some big shoes both literally and figuratively speaking. The response was not one of many words. Two sentences actually. The later said, "I am so proud of you!" I was like a child after that over joyed at a parent's praise for doing well. The funny thing about that is I didn't know I longed to hear those words but when I did they filled my spirit. They made me soar!
They taught me something about myself. As I struggle with ending a relationship (friendship just in case relationship sends your mind places, I know mine would) that was unhealthy for me and really for my little family. It taught me how fulfilled I can be with my own actions and healthy relationships. Actually since I have preached I have received way more affirmation than I had ever anticipated from so many sources. I am feeling really good about me. Something in the past I thought could only happen when other people were involved. Really though when it's me and God I do alright. That is an answered prayer in itself. I don't want to go in to it all here. I am just really glad I choose to do what I did. Now I am seeing God in the bigger picture. Not all the things that are making my heart heavy are gone but it's better.
Now for the discernment part. As I really shift my focus to where God is calling me once again I have become aware of many things. I am noticing things that I haven't before. So here are the questions I am asking myself.
Ordination or no ordination?
I think I know the answer and I dread it.
Women's Ministry or Youth Ministry?
Both would seem to be the answer I would prefer. However I am not certain there are enough hours in the day. I miss the kids like crazy. I know I have a gift for working with them. It's just not one I have a proper outlet for right now. Women would be a huge challenge for me. I think God likes to challenge me.
I will resist the temptation to compartmentalize the rest of it. There are other things I feel need a place. I am going to try to let them come together organically.