This week we started looking at our field ed placements for next year. Basically if you live outside our seminary bubble that means a year long internship with a mentor Pastor in a local congregation. Here is how it works, we look through books of churches and pick our top five, then we go to interview night where we essentially "speed date" the five churches in 15 minute interviews. Then the churches go and rank their interviewees from 1-5 we do the same with the churches and then some sort of match making magic happens. Then you have a church you work with for the next year. Simple right?
Not really, it's doing bad things to my head. First off there are other people who will interview with and want some of the same positions as you want. In this case though they are your friends who you are in class with and socializing with all the time, they come over for dinner. Yet the over lap in interviews in unavoidable. Then there is the elephant in the room, I have a young child I am the only person doing this with a young child this year and I am worried that will count as a strike and not a positive in many of the positions. I found myself so consumed with that yesterday that I forgot I actually have a decent skill set and gifts for ministry. I have life experiences that can lend to ministry that others might not have. I know I can do this however I am consumed with doubt and worry that somehow I am not good enough. I have forgotten that is was God who called me here. God, not me, God.
My new mantra is I can do this. I will do this. I have it in me to rock these interviews. There are churches that will embrace my family right along with me. The God of creation has called me here. I need to surrender to that.
Today I am grateful to get my anxiety out now and to have the power to name it.
May you be blessed by your family, whatever form it takes, today.