In an hour I will be sitting in the library computer lab taking my Bible Content Exam, otherwise known as my first Ordination Exam. It's part of the joy of being Presbyterian. Today will likely be a two blog day because if I pass I will want to write about it and if I fail I will likely need to cry with words. I made a promise to myself that no mater what, I would under no circumstance take practice exams this morning. I would just do normal morning things. So now I am left wondering what to do with my time, I want to start the test already.
I am really nervous this morning, or maybe anxious. I am facing this test a lot like I did the delivery of my only child (so far anyway). My labor was induced so I knew about when I would be having a baby. This was the worst thing ever. We went out to dinner and then went to the hospital. There was no ouch I think this is it or my water broke it was like keeping an appointment. I also knew that having a baby meant everyone in the hospital was likely going to see my girl bits. Maybe even the janitor and the chaplain. So I walled myself up, shut out all the nervousness and went in like a stone, no over emotional reactions just sheer perseverance. This proved to be a good idea because it was a long 24 hours that ended up with a baby stuck in my pelvis and a surgery while still awake, one of my biggest fears. I don't know that this was healthy but it worked. I shut it all out and I survived. The baby was fine and she is now 3 and I can possibly consider doing it again, for the first time.
It's exactly how I am approaching this test, only I get to keep my pants on. I am shutting out the rest of the world and going into me take a test and pass mode. I hope it works. I hope by 10:45 this morning Noon the latest I can say I have passed.
I think this is the closest I will ever come to feeling like an Olympian, I have been training my brain for this for a long time and it is going to come down to what gymnastic commentators call muscle memory. I will never be an athlete, but this morning my academics are my athletics.
Today I am grateful for time to just be before I attempt my exam.