Tuesday, September 11, 2012

What changes in a moment or a week...

Sunday Sept. 2- I wrote a post about how I was ready to face the challenges this year brings.
Monday Sept. 3- My sister-in-law Donna dies suddenly. I learn this from my nephew, her son at 10:30 pm. I had just sat down to look at home rentals and my phone rang.
Tuesday Sept. 4- We ran around in preparing to leave to be with our family.
Wed. Sept. 5- We arrive. I am asked to lead the memorial. We begin what seems like sitting Shiva.
Thursday Sept. 6- I should be starting classes for my second year. Instead I go out with my sister and niece to order food for the post funeral meal.
Friday Sept. 7- I run around like a crazy woman preparing for the funeral. I write the memorial.
Saturday Sept. 8- I lead the memorial. I receive affirmation of my gifts from places I never expected it. I held it together and didn't cry during. I attribute this to nothing less than God and the prayers of my friends at school and in two congregations. The song the band dedicated after though nearly brought me to my knees.

Somewhere along the way I realized how much the day after my 14th birthday changed my life. My grandfather passed away, I wrote a poem, it was read at the funeral and credited to someone else. When my dad died I wrote again but I had the courage to read it myself. My step dad the same. By the time my grandmother died I took care of the whole funeral. This was no different and I realized that not only was this an integral part of the story of my call, but that I would never be off the hook again. I will always be writing or speaking for family funerals.
Sunday was Paul's birthday we delayed celebration.
Monday we left and I cried my eyes out the first leg of the trip.
Tuesday we arrive at our "temporary home". I find our apartment cleaned and stocked with food by the friends who have already graciously watched over our cat. I cry at the site of their kindness.

Today anger reared it's ugly head. I am overwhelmed with how much I have to do and I feel like I am in some sort of fog. It is hard to pray. It is hard to read class readings about the good news. It feels like some sort of dream.

Today I am grateful for my family who is still so close despite the distance between us.

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