Friday, August 26, 2016

What I Couldn't Do

This morning I was walking around watering all the plant life we have successfully cultivated this summer: herbs, veggies, flowers, even some accidental corn. I had a fleeting thought that turned meditation for this morning. I have tried eagerly for at least ten years to grow a garden or flowers in a variety of ways. It has only been in the last year that I have found my green thumb and it is sometimes still a little yellow or brown but hey I will take the progress. A few years ago I would have told you I couldn't garden well despite my best efforts. I was marveling at all that grew and how the metaphor of growth is really important in my life right now. I looked at our accidental corn that is growing on OUR FRONT STOOP in a flower pot with some creeping phlox. I suppose that the corn was delivered via squirrel. We grow by accident sometimes too and it is a surprising sort of growth. But really all I did was put seeds in the earth where sun would shine, then I watered them and waited. The waiting isn't always easy but it has been worth it. Another metaphor for my life right now. Hmm.. how interesting to encounter the depths of self and the Divine while watering the garden.

As I went about my morning a list of things I couldn't do formed in my head and I wanted to share it with you.

I could never read or speak in front of people, I get far too nervous. Except, now it is my job to just that every week for at least an hour if not more.

I could never sing solo in front of more than a handful of people because I am not good enough. Except, all summer I sang the kid's talks in church solo with a microphone. I won't be singing solos to sold out crowds anytime soon but I know I can sing in a microphone in front of people and not die.

I could never decorate a fancy cake. Except, I learned how to a few years ago and often challenge myself to do harder things.

I could never go back to school, I am too old for that now. Spoken when I was 21. Nearly 15 years later I have finished four degrees. Including a Master's Degree I was never going to be smart enough again. I look forward to the day when I can start my PhD. and I know I can do that.

I could never be a pastor because of all the death, especially untimely ones. Except, I am and I have lived through walking with people grieving tremendous loss.

I could never be beautiful because I don't fit the mold. A work in progress on this one.

This afternoon I am going to think of all the things I still can't do, maybe I will find some lies.

What is it you simply could never do that you might like to?

Today I am grateful for the loud and constant voices who said YES YOU CAN when I said I could never. 

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