I didn't wake up feeling very grateful this morning. I kind of feel as if a train ran me over in my sleep. My head feels like a snake in a can that is unopened it has so much pressure. Lilia is so incredibly whiny and every noise she makes is cutting me to the core. She seems to have some sort of personality disorder she goes from happy and playing to screaming and back in about 10 seconds. She refuses to sleep through the night. My digestive tract refused to let me sleep through the night. So I am just plain cranky, as you might have noticed. Finding the gratitude to write about is hard.
I get to leave the house with out Lilia or Paul later. There in lies my gratitude. One hour of grown up time that will undoubtedly feed my soul. I guess I should be grateful too for my Lilia who is just fine. After all I did pray for years for her. She sure does make me smile at least a few times a day. I am grateful for Paul and his willingness to be so helpful around here.
May you be blessed by finding the gratitude on the hard days.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
UnChristian, so then what?
I am reading a book called UnChristian which is basically a statistical study on younger generations not being in church or caring about Jesus. It's forward warns me that I might be offended by what some of the "outsiders" have to say. Outsiders is the word that was settled on in the book to talk about people who aren't in the church. Although the author still hopes it is the least offensive term and that some of them might even read the book. It rang true I did find myself offended, but it wasn't by the "outsiders" it was by the author. I made it two chapters before I found comments on homosexuality that were for me a little too conservative and unacceptable. Especially given the context. The whole idea of the book is this is how Mosaics and Busters view us as Christians if they themselves are not Christians.
I am reading along and I have made it to the introduction of the idea that people think Christians are antihomosexual. How we need to change our image problem but don't deny homosexuality is sinful and wrong, we can be nice then help people change their lifestyle. Really really did I just read that (it is a paraphrasing of course)? Anyhow, all I could think was well if someone picked up the book because of the title, made it past the "outsiders" term and made it to this page they might get angry because this is exactly the thing that makes "us" so unappealing.
I am wrapped up in this book. I like the statistics but I really don't care for the personal commentary on what it means to be Christian. While I feel that the author is getting the idea that younger generations are looking for us to essentially practice what we preach. Yet he keeps preaching the message that is driving people away. If Jesus is love, I believe that is true, then we need to just LOVE PEOPLE and be in relationship with them. It isn't up to us to change a lifestyle or create a biblical world view for someone else. Let's worry about our own and live life accordingly and I bet that will change hearts!
Biblical world view and depth of faith are what really got me this morning. According to the definitions presented I do not have either. Yet I would disagree I think I have a very strong biblical world view. However it isn't based on rules, it is based on love. It is a way of life based in the love of our fellow human beings. It isn't moral superiority. I am broken and need grace too. Moral superiority is pointless. Depth of faith isn't about moral commitments either. I don't know how I would define it, but it isn't the right answers or the right point of view or even the right actions (we screw up).
One of the other points I find interesting is that the study shows most insiders share many of the views of the outsiders... yep that's me!
I think this is an important book that people should read but I wish is was presented a little better. He does say my generation is skeptical and layered with cynicism. I guess he got that right. The other thing that is right, he writes about how older generations are waiting for us to grow up and become like them and it isn't going to happen. We have redefined what it means to grow up. I never thought about that before but it is true. We don't value the same things so of course grown up will look different.
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All that being said, what then becomes of the baptism families? Lately in our church we have been trying to bring together the families of baby's baptized because they come and then disappear until they have another child. We tried everything and then still have no response. So one puts forth the effort to have their child baptized and join the church and then disappears. What is that about? Why have your child baptized if you don't mean any of it. Why answer the question will you be a faithful member of this congregation, yes? So where is that in these statistics?
I am reading along and I have made it to the introduction of the idea that people think Christians are antihomosexual. How we need to change our image problem but don't deny homosexuality is sinful and wrong, we can be nice then help people change their lifestyle. Really really did I just read that (it is a paraphrasing of course)? Anyhow, all I could think was well if someone picked up the book because of the title, made it past the "outsiders" term and made it to this page they might get angry because this is exactly the thing that makes "us" so unappealing.
I am wrapped up in this book. I like the statistics but I really don't care for the personal commentary on what it means to be Christian. While I feel that the author is getting the idea that younger generations are looking for us to essentially practice what we preach. Yet he keeps preaching the message that is driving people away. If Jesus is love, I believe that is true, then we need to just LOVE PEOPLE and be in relationship with them. It isn't up to us to change a lifestyle or create a biblical world view for someone else. Let's worry about our own and live life accordingly and I bet that will change hearts!
Biblical world view and depth of faith are what really got me this morning. According to the definitions presented I do not have either. Yet I would disagree I think I have a very strong biblical world view. However it isn't based on rules, it is based on love. It is a way of life based in the love of our fellow human beings. It isn't moral superiority. I am broken and need grace too. Moral superiority is pointless. Depth of faith isn't about moral commitments either. I don't know how I would define it, but it isn't the right answers or the right point of view or even the right actions (we screw up).
One of the other points I find interesting is that the study shows most insiders share many of the views of the outsiders... yep that's me!
I think this is an important book that people should read but I wish is was presented a little better. He does say my generation is skeptical and layered with cynicism. I guess he got that right. The other thing that is right, he writes about how older generations are waiting for us to grow up and become like them and it isn't going to happen. We have redefined what it means to grow up. I never thought about that before but it is true. We don't value the same things so of course grown up will look different.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
All that being said, what then becomes of the baptism families? Lately in our church we have been trying to bring together the families of baby's baptized because they come and then disappear until they have another child. We tried everything and then still have no response. So one puts forth the effort to have their child baptized and join the church and then disappears. What is that about? Why have your child baptized if you don't mean any of it. Why answer the question will you be a faithful member of this congregation, yes? So where is that in these statistics?
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Focus
I need to get this blog back to a focused topic. It seems that it has turned out to be very similar to my old blog. I am not going to lie I am trying to make a name for myself. That being said I am going to try to go back to being grateful for something on this blog in every post. Sadly this means I am not going to share my story about buying underwear a size too big.
Let's just say that I am grateful today that I live in a place and have an income that allows me to buy new underwear, even if they are a little, let's say roomy!
May you be blessed with a sense of humor today!
Let's just say that I am grateful today that I live in a place and have an income that allows me to buy new underwear, even if they are a little, let's say roomy!
May you be blessed with a sense of humor today!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Frustrated!
I have been trying really hard to keep this space sacred of sorts. I try to keep it from getting too personal or from bashing my loved ones. Today though I am so frustrated that my covenant with myself is being broken. I don't want to give too many details to the whole world, this is a public space after all.
So I will leave it at this what is next? My dishes, the fridge, the stove? This is getting ridiculous.
So I will leave it at this what is next? My dishes, the fridge, the stove? This is getting ridiculous.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
3 is a lot I know
Last post for today...
1. When did it become not ok to value different things?
2. Liars are attracted to me. I always know when they are lying. Are they looking to be called out?
3. Cowards are equally as frustrating. Unfortunately lying and cowardice go hand in hand.
4. I was reading this book today about statistics and a study on how people view the church. One of the words people used was anti homosexual. The writer was making perfect sense and then went on his own little anti homosexual rant. I am pushing through the book because the statistical data is pertinent to my current project but dam did that leave a bad taste in my mouth.
5. It is sad when people find their identity in other people's lives so much so that they lack their own identity. (This has been a theme I have been seeing around me lately.) Hope that isn't a hint to myself! ACK!
1. When did it become not ok to value different things?
2. Liars are attracted to me. I always know when they are lying. Are they looking to be called out?
3. Cowards are equally as frustrating. Unfortunately lying and cowardice go hand in hand.
4. I was reading this book today about statistics and a study on how people view the church. One of the words people used was anti homosexual. The writer was making perfect sense and then went on his own little anti homosexual rant. I am pushing through the book because the statistical data is pertinent to my current project but dam did that leave a bad taste in my mouth.
5. It is sad when people find their identity in other people's lives so much so that they lack their own identity. (This has been a theme I have been seeing around me lately.) Hope that isn't a hint to myself! ACK!
Reactions
We have pretty much told everyone that we are moving this summer. It is interesting to watch the reactions of people. The other night we were watching Revolutionary Road. A strange movie but good none the less. There is a scene where the Wheelers are telling their neighbors that they are moving to Paris. The reaction is priceless, why would you want to do that? The response was even better, because we are young and we want to live our lives. We have gotten some resistance from people, not very much though. This is probably because they know I will not be swayed. Basically I have just told people that I have to go where I can give my daughter the best life possible. I have to make decisions that will help me provide for her the life that we have dreamed of. That means finishing my education.
There are people who can't understand how I could leave my family, the state or my friends. First let me comment, while I have lived in New Jersey most of my life, I don't like it here, not to mention I can't afford to live here. Paul and I do not value material things like we used to. Don't get me wrong we aren't going to sell everything and move to a new monastic community. We are just loosing our attachment to things. We no longer desire to find our identity in the things we have but rather in our relationships. When I say our relationships I am not saying that we are defined by other people's ideas of what we should be. That is a pet peeve, I know a handful of people that do the things they do because their mother does it that way. Worse is when there is something they won't do because of their familial perceptions. Sometimes I want to ask what is the point of leaving home at all then if you are going to live under "their" rule? Why did you get married if your family's opinion is more important than that of your spouse? If you really are happy living like this so be it. Don't hold it against me because I am not. My point is yes we are leaving behind a ton of family and it's not that we don't care. It's not that we don't love and care for them tremendously. It's that we have our own family now and our decisions are governed by that, not the extended family. The extended family isn't always supportive and that's ok, at least now it is. I had to fight my desire to please them for a long time but now it comes naturally.
There are friends we will miss terribly. I am sure those that are true friendships will out last the geographical gap. I know this can happen as many of my closest friends live hours away. We can pick up where we left off. In all honesty though there are some friendships that I do not think are going to make it. That's ok too. They kind of aren't making it now. I know that there are times to let go of unhealthy or unfulfilling friendships. That time has come. The move will help. I should say too what about all the great friends I haven't made yet. There are friendships waiting to happen.
Somehow I have strayed from reactions. I guess what's on my mind just comes out. I do have one friend that every conversation we have they mention seminary, I can't help but wonder if they want to go to seminary. I had someone with whom I am not very close, I barely have a relationship with ask me how I could leave behind someone who needed me. My answer was again I have to make the right decisions for my family.
I should take a moment here too to say that so much of this is about my relationship with God. I have debated trying to explain that here and thought the better of it. I will leave it at God has a plan for me; education is a part of it.
The truth is I am not moving to Kentucky because I don't love someone, I am moving there because I do!
There are people who can't understand how I could leave my family, the state or my friends. First let me comment, while I have lived in New Jersey most of my life, I don't like it here, not to mention I can't afford to live here. Paul and I do not value material things like we used to. Don't get me wrong we aren't going to sell everything and move to a new monastic community. We are just loosing our attachment to things. We no longer desire to find our identity in the things we have but rather in our relationships. When I say our relationships I am not saying that we are defined by other people's ideas of what we should be. That is a pet peeve, I know a handful of people that do the things they do because their mother does it that way. Worse is when there is something they won't do because of their familial perceptions. Sometimes I want to ask what is the point of leaving home at all then if you are going to live under "their" rule? Why did you get married if your family's opinion is more important than that of your spouse? If you really are happy living like this so be it. Don't hold it against me because I am not. My point is yes we are leaving behind a ton of family and it's not that we don't care. It's not that we don't love and care for them tremendously. It's that we have our own family now and our decisions are governed by that, not the extended family. The extended family isn't always supportive and that's ok, at least now it is. I had to fight my desire to please them for a long time but now it comes naturally.
There are friends we will miss terribly. I am sure those that are true friendships will out last the geographical gap. I know this can happen as many of my closest friends live hours away. We can pick up where we left off. In all honesty though there are some friendships that I do not think are going to make it. That's ok too. They kind of aren't making it now. I know that there are times to let go of unhealthy or unfulfilling friendships. That time has come. The move will help. I should say too what about all the great friends I haven't made yet. There are friendships waiting to happen.
Somehow I have strayed from reactions. I guess what's on my mind just comes out. I do have one friend that every conversation we have they mention seminary, I can't help but wonder if they want to go to seminary. I had someone with whom I am not very close, I barely have a relationship with ask me how I could leave behind someone who needed me. My answer was again I have to make the right decisions for my family.
I should take a moment here too to say that so much of this is about my relationship with God. I have debated trying to explain that here and thought the better of it. I will leave it at God has a plan for me; education is a part of it.
The truth is I am not moving to Kentucky because I don't love someone, I am moving there because I do!
The Craziness
I did something really crazy over the weekend. I happened upon some clearance Abby Cadabby birthday party supplies and bought them up. I had been thinking that an Abby party would be really cute for a two year old. What is the problem you ask? Well she isn't even 18 months yet. I know how crazy this sounds. It sounds crazy to me as well. Even for me miss get it done early so you don't have to worry about it later, this is too early. However when the receipt printed you saved $80.51 there was satisfaction in that. (It is worth mentioning I spend significantly less than I saved.) I always say it isn't saving money unless you were going to buy it anyway. So all the stuff is packed up and put away and awaiting June or July when we will have a pre-move birthday celebration with her cousins and friends. It didn't stop there I also hit up some clearance toys and put them away for birthday's coming this spring. There my total savings was something like $40. So even though it seems absurd I did it anyway.
I have to wonder if this fits into my anti-consumerism ways. Probably not other than I didn't pay full price. I have a hard time with consumerism around the holidays. I do much better the rest of the year.
I have much more I want to say this morning but I will separate the entries because there is no way to transition fluidly!
I have to wonder if this fits into my anti-consumerism ways. Probably not other than I didn't pay full price. I have a hard time with consumerism around the holidays. I do much better the rest of the year.
I have much more I want to say this morning but I will separate the entries because there is no way to transition fluidly!
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