Lately it seems that everyday I am in a state of preparing. I am preparing to move, preparing to study, preparing a birthday party, preparing for a camping trip, preparing for lots of spring and summer events.
Every day I have a to do list that is longer than the hours in the day or my stamina. All this preparation is distracting me from living life. I am too busy getting ready to live. I hope after this weekends trip I will have been able to disconnect and recharge and actually enjoy the time away. Same goes for when my baby's second birthday party day comes, I hope I can enjoy at least a little part of the day.
Today I am grateful for time to prepare.
May you be blessed by enjoying all the preparations.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Weekend Theology
This weekend I inadvertently found myself reflecting on a lot of theology. It was after all the predicted rapture. It has been getting a lot of press still. In case you are new here, that is not something I believed in. As a student of religion I was however rather interested in the group who did believe it. I did a little research. I made jokes like everyone else. Then I saw a man on the news, he had sold everything, he stood in Times Square faithfully preaching the end until 6 o'clock passed. Then he stood there so confused and scared. He mumbled about how he didn't understand why nothing happened and the crowds began to taunt him. I felt genuinely bad for this man. I wished I could be there to usher him away so he could begin to process what did and didn't happen. I am disappointed in my fellow human beings who felt it right to taunt him. Even if he had preached their damnation. Rise above, show compassion. What an awful place to be it has to be like the whole world was pulled out from under you. Now do you move on and reestablish yourself? Do you remain faithful to the new prediction of October 21? I hope somewhere someone is standing by to show compassion to everyone who believed in this Rapture.
In all honesty I could relate to this man I had never met. Not that I believed in something that didn't happen but because we never know for sure in the world of religion who is right. There is no guarantee because a piece of Holy Scripture from any faith says something, that it will happen. I could spend my entire life dedicated to the church, Jesus, God or any number of things just to find out I was wrong all along. That's the thing about faith, it's blind most of the time because there is nothing tangible you can hold onto. I am hesitant to say I know anything for sure, other than maybe Jesus was all about Love. I am pretty sure of that even though there are some versus of scripture that make me second guess myself.
I was clicking around on the web reading news stories. I read one about a girl found kept in a crib turned makeshift cage by her parents. She was found eating her own dry skin flakes because she was hungry. Another child was found dead buried in their yard. There was also a one month old boy in the home. This kind of story broke my heart long before I had a child of my own, now it takes it to a whole new level. There I sat my theology of compassion and love being challenged because I felt such anger that someone would treat their child this way, to deny her the love and basic needs she is entitled to. I wanted to go find that little girl and pick her up and hold her and tell her she is wanted and she is loved. I felt such anger well up I thought of punishments for her obviously evil and self serving parents. I wanted justice on the spot. Then there is theology, I believe that God loves us all despite our screw ups. We are all God's children. Then I just want to swear every word I know how to swear with, because I don't want God to love these children. I want God to snuff them out like a candle. It's a hard reality to live in, one where what you want is not what God wants or does. It's a good thing because at times I am sure I might have been in need of God's wrath. Grace isn't just for me.
All that got me thinking about how other people view God, it seems that more often then not people just assume God agrees with them. They have interpreted the word of God in a way that they know for sure God agrees with them. We are all guilty of this, you and I included. It's just that lately I see this being used to fuel hate all over the world. Especially for people of different faiths or sexual orientations. In my time studying religion I have read a lot of Sacred Texts that aren't my own. They all have this continuous theme of love and peace. That is really confusing, that is why I thought for a long time I couldn't follow Jesus, because I couldn't read the Gospels and go out into the world and spew hate. I thought that is what it meant to follow Jesus.
I forced myself to go to church on Sunday and I am so glad I did. I needed that time to hear of God's love. To hear that the mystery of it all is what makes it beautiful and in my opinion worth it. I needed to take time out to connect with God in the midst of my panic about moving. There in that quiet moment I heard God's call stronger than it's been in a while.
I am so very grateful that I have met and know a loving God whose Grace I cannot understand.
May you be blessed by God's love.
In all honesty I could relate to this man I had never met. Not that I believed in something that didn't happen but because we never know for sure in the world of religion who is right. There is no guarantee because a piece of Holy Scripture from any faith says something, that it will happen. I could spend my entire life dedicated to the church, Jesus, God or any number of things just to find out I was wrong all along. That's the thing about faith, it's blind most of the time because there is nothing tangible you can hold onto. I am hesitant to say I know anything for sure, other than maybe Jesus was all about Love. I am pretty sure of that even though there are some versus of scripture that make me second guess myself.
I was clicking around on the web reading news stories. I read one about a girl found kept in a crib turned makeshift cage by her parents. She was found eating her own dry skin flakes because she was hungry. Another child was found dead buried in their yard. There was also a one month old boy in the home. This kind of story broke my heart long before I had a child of my own, now it takes it to a whole new level. There I sat my theology of compassion and love being challenged because I felt such anger that someone would treat their child this way, to deny her the love and basic needs she is entitled to. I wanted to go find that little girl and pick her up and hold her and tell her she is wanted and she is loved. I felt such anger well up I thought of punishments for her obviously evil and self serving parents. I wanted justice on the spot. Then there is theology, I believe that God loves us all despite our screw ups. We are all God's children. Then I just want to swear every word I know how to swear with, because I don't want God to love these children. I want God to snuff them out like a candle. It's a hard reality to live in, one where what you want is not what God wants or does. It's a good thing because at times I am sure I might have been in need of God's wrath. Grace isn't just for me.
All that got me thinking about how other people view God, it seems that more often then not people just assume God agrees with them. They have interpreted the word of God in a way that they know for sure God agrees with them. We are all guilty of this, you and I included. It's just that lately I see this being used to fuel hate all over the world. Especially for people of different faiths or sexual orientations. In my time studying religion I have read a lot of Sacred Texts that aren't my own. They all have this continuous theme of love and peace. That is really confusing, that is why I thought for a long time I couldn't follow Jesus, because I couldn't read the Gospels and go out into the world and spew hate. I thought that is what it meant to follow Jesus.
I forced myself to go to church on Sunday and I am so glad I did. I needed that time to hear of God's love. To hear that the mystery of it all is what makes it beautiful and in my opinion worth it. I needed to take time out to connect with God in the midst of my panic about moving. There in that quiet moment I heard God's call stronger than it's been in a while.
I am so very grateful that I have met and know a loving God whose Grace I cannot understand.
May you be blessed by God's love.
Friday, May 20, 2011
About Life
This is a blog about life and my quest to find gratitude in the mundane everyday ebb and flow. I read a lot of blogs that are either books in process or theologically based (read mini sermons). I really value those blogs. I get a lot out of them. Then I start thinking wow they have a lot of followers. Then I get this tainted thought of I should write more meaningful stuff. Then I go spiraling into this dark place of self doubt for not being like everyone else.
Truth is I am not any one else. This blog is meant to be about my story. About my journey and remaining grateful for all I have. About maintaining a lifestyle that is a little different than most of the people around me. A lifestyle that has no specific parameters other than not valuing stuff. A little side note on that... we are failing epically at that. As I prepare for our big move this summer I am drowning in stuff much of which I am hesitant to part with.
That all being said, today I am girl who finally had a good nights sleep because my toddler didn't want to play at 4 am. I am a girl that is so stressed out by trying to take care of my toddler and prepare to move that at times I can barely function with out the desire to scream at someone. I am a girl that is feeling every inch of insecurity that has ever existed in her being as she steps forward into living not just her dream but God's call on her life. I am a girl that second guesses herself because culture sometimes tells her that she should be content to raise a family and nothing more. I am a girl who fears damaging her child with what at times seems like a selfish choice. I am a girl who gets adoption and baby making on the brain when in need of distraction. I am a girl that is human and broken and in need of grace. I am a girl that won't write a theological reflection on grace but rather sit here and pray that somehow grace finds me and I am alert enough to feel it, see it, taste it.
Today my gratitude lies in knowing the grace I can't see, hear, feel or taste is there somewhere.
May you be blessed by grace.
Truth is I am not any one else. This blog is meant to be about my story. About my journey and remaining grateful for all I have. About maintaining a lifestyle that is a little different than most of the people around me. A lifestyle that has no specific parameters other than not valuing stuff. A little side note on that... we are failing epically at that. As I prepare for our big move this summer I am drowning in stuff much of which I am hesitant to part with.
That all being said, today I am girl who finally had a good nights sleep because my toddler didn't want to play at 4 am. I am a girl that is so stressed out by trying to take care of my toddler and prepare to move that at times I can barely function with out the desire to scream at someone. I am a girl that is feeling every inch of insecurity that has ever existed in her being as she steps forward into living not just her dream but God's call on her life. I am a girl that second guesses herself because culture sometimes tells her that she should be content to raise a family and nothing more. I am a girl who fears damaging her child with what at times seems like a selfish choice. I am a girl who gets adoption and baby making on the brain when in need of distraction. I am a girl that is human and broken and in need of grace. I am a girl that won't write a theological reflection on grace but rather sit here and pray that somehow grace finds me and I am alert enough to feel it, see it, taste it.
Today my gratitude lies in knowing the grace I can't see, hear, feel or taste is there somewhere.
May you be blessed by grace.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Catholic Church
I really don't enjoy going to Catholic Church. I am not Catholic and I have a lot of reasons for that. A lot of really great reasons. It seems though that nearly all of my current friends are Catholic which means I end up in Catholic Church a few times a year. I can tell you that with out fail something is said in every single Mass that makes my liberal Protestant skin crawl.
This past weekend we attended a First Holy Communion Mass. This was a first for me. I should tell you that as much as I have feelings about Catholicism, I know that these moments are really important to our friends who have invited us to share in them. I try every time to go in with an open heart and mind. I tell myself and usually Paul, that hey they find meaning here and that's OK actually it's wonderful that they have found meaning at all. So we marched in ready to do our duty as loyal friends and lovers of God. I can tell you hands down that the Catholics have got better churches to look at, all though the acoustics coupled with voice amplification drive me batty. They are usually beautiful. Saturday was no exception. We grabbed our copy of the liturgy and sat down in the very last row as to have an escape route if Lilia got out of hand. She had after all just spent 2 hours in her car seats
Mass started, the Priest was very personable, I liked that a lot. I felt like we could have a great conversation, that's an important trait for clergy. He had to remind people many times not to take pictures unless they were on the balcony. He had to ask several times for quiet during silent prayer. I thought to myself how annoying must this be, something he sees as so holy and sacred and people are treating it like a birthday party or small wedding.
There were the typical theological snafus for me but none that really made me angry. I watched with great attentiveness as I had never seen this before and I am a lover of all things religious ritual even when I don't agree with the theology. I was left wondering why the boys wore large white bows on their arms? It was a beautiful sacred event.
The thing that really got me were how many fake Catholics were there and how many people lacked the reverence and respect that this sacred moment deserved. Here's the deal I sat in the back row and I could see everyone. I couldn't believe how many people were wrapped up in either this is my kid and I need to get the perfect picture of this moment or that were just plain disrespectful. Not following along, talking and down right ignoring the instructions. Here I was the life long Protestant and I felt like I had more reverence and respect than some of my Catholic counter parts.
The same holds true in our church. It's a shared frustration. I just feel that if you are going to walk through the doors of a church you should respect the beliefs of that body. You don't have to agree with them or participate but you can at least sit quietly and try to take it in and understand what is going on.
I should mention our friends daughter looked beautiful and I was able to see her accept the Eucharist. They treated us and some close family to a wonderful lunch afterwards. It wasn't a small wedding. It was lovely and perfect for the occasion. I am impressed by how they take their commitment to raising their daughters in this way seriously and personally. They go to church every week because their daughter has to be there and they don't want to send her and be hypocrites!
Now that is what I am talking about!
I am proud to call them our friends.
Today I am grateful that I am able to see the beauty in a faith that doesn't always sit well with me. I am also grateful for those friends who are doing such a great job raising their girls.
May you be blessed by amazing friends like ours.
This past weekend we attended a First Holy Communion Mass. This was a first for me. I should tell you that as much as I have feelings about Catholicism, I know that these moments are really important to our friends who have invited us to share in them. I try every time to go in with an open heart and mind. I tell myself and usually Paul, that hey they find meaning here and that's OK actually it's wonderful that they have found meaning at all. So we marched in ready to do our duty as loyal friends and lovers of God. I can tell you hands down that the Catholics have got better churches to look at, all though the acoustics coupled with voice amplification drive me batty. They are usually beautiful. Saturday was no exception. We grabbed our copy of the liturgy and sat down in the very last row as to have an escape route if Lilia got out of hand. She had after all just spent 2 hours in her car seats
Mass started, the Priest was very personable, I liked that a lot. I felt like we could have a great conversation, that's an important trait for clergy. He had to remind people many times not to take pictures unless they were on the balcony. He had to ask several times for quiet during silent prayer. I thought to myself how annoying must this be, something he sees as so holy and sacred and people are treating it like a birthday party or small wedding.
There were the typical theological snafus for me but none that really made me angry. I watched with great attentiveness as I had never seen this before and I am a lover of all things religious ritual even when I don't agree with the theology. I was left wondering why the boys wore large white bows on their arms? It was a beautiful sacred event.
The thing that really got me were how many fake Catholics were there and how many people lacked the reverence and respect that this sacred moment deserved. Here's the deal I sat in the back row and I could see everyone. I couldn't believe how many people were wrapped up in either this is my kid and I need to get the perfect picture of this moment or that were just plain disrespectful. Not following along, talking and down right ignoring the instructions. Here I was the life long Protestant and I felt like I had more reverence and respect than some of my Catholic counter parts.
The same holds true in our church. It's a shared frustration. I just feel that if you are going to walk through the doors of a church you should respect the beliefs of that body. You don't have to agree with them or participate but you can at least sit quietly and try to take it in and understand what is going on.
I should mention our friends daughter looked beautiful and I was able to see her accept the Eucharist. They treated us and some close family to a wonderful lunch afterwards. It wasn't a small wedding. It was lovely and perfect for the occasion. I am impressed by how they take their commitment to raising their daughters in this way seriously and personally. They go to church every week because their daughter has to be there and they don't want to send her and be hypocrites!
Now that is what I am talking about!
I am proud to call them our friends.
Today I am grateful that I am able to see the beauty in a faith that doesn't always sit well with me. I am also grateful for those friends who are doing such a great job raising their girls.
May you be blessed by amazing friends like ours.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Tim
Last week we passed the 6 year mark, already. We lost him six years ago. I have been thinking about Tim a lot lately. Probably because his tree outside my window is drenched in tiny little green leaves. It is tall and full.
As Tim was dying for some reason he ordered all these tree saplings and shrubs and flowers for months after his death we were planting things, giving them away when we ran out of room. Only a couple of trees survived. Outside my bedroom window in a little open patch of grass there is a birch tree I believe. Actually it's two birch trees I hastily shoved in the ground trying to help them live. They are growing together into one beautiful tree. I am reminded of Tim daily as I look out at my little tree which isn't so little anymore. Tim was leaving a legacy. I don't know if that was his intention but it was his result.
I am sad that in a few months when we head west I can't take that tree with me. Maybe I will dry some of it's leaves.
Tim and I never had a good relationship until the very end. That is life as a teenager I guess. Tim didn't have any children of his own but I think despite all of my shoving away and general bitchiness he saw me that way. I wish I would have appreciated it sooner. Tim gave me a wedding I would have never had otherwise. He was passionate about politics. He really knew how to keep the lawn looking amazing, something I wish I picked up on. He knew how to love. He also keeps my collecting of things in check because he had 10 tape dispensers and probably had hording tendencies that kept us busy for a year after he passed away.
Tim was a character for sure. My life is better for having known him. May he rest in peace.
Today I am grateful for time well spent with others.
May you be blessed by the same.
As Tim was dying for some reason he ordered all these tree saplings and shrubs and flowers for months after his death we were planting things, giving them away when we ran out of room. Only a couple of trees survived. Outside my bedroom window in a little open patch of grass there is a birch tree I believe. Actually it's two birch trees I hastily shoved in the ground trying to help them live. They are growing together into one beautiful tree. I am reminded of Tim daily as I look out at my little tree which isn't so little anymore. Tim was leaving a legacy. I don't know if that was his intention but it was his result.
I am sad that in a few months when we head west I can't take that tree with me. Maybe I will dry some of it's leaves.
Tim and I never had a good relationship until the very end. That is life as a teenager I guess. Tim didn't have any children of his own but I think despite all of my shoving away and general bitchiness he saw me that way. I wish I would have appreciated it sooner. Tim gave me a wedding I would have never had otherwise. He was passionate about politics. He really knew how to keep the lawn looking amazing, something I wish I picked up on. He knew how to love. He also keeps my collecting of things in check because he had 10 tape dispensers and probably had hording tendencies that kept us busy for a year after he passed away.
Tim was a character for sure. My life is better for having known him. May he rest in peace.
Today I am grateful for time well spent with others.
May you be blessed by the same.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
My Apologies
With last weeks blogger outage I must have gotten out of the habit of a daily blog, as my dear Paul pointed out to me last night when he exclaimed you haven't blogged in four days what is wrong!?!?!?!
I have a bunch of blog entries I am working on for your reading pleasure. However, currently I am very busy with paperwork for our move I have recently received both our housing and financial aid packets in the mail this week. I have a lot of signing and returning to do as well as gathering some information we need to complete our housing arrangements. That coupled with picking up my mom from the airport yesterday has made it a crazy week already and it's just Tuesday. Fortunately though Grandma is home and that means I have lots of help with LG so things should be back to normal on the blog soon.
Today I am grateful for even the most disappointing awards.
May you be blessed with a moment to catch you breath.
I have a bunch of blog entries I am working on for your reading pleasure. However, currently I am very busy with paperwork for our move I have recently received both our housing and financial aid packets in the mail this week. I have a lot of signing and returning to do as well as gathering some information we need to complete our housing arrangements. That coupled with picking up my mom from the airport yesterday has made it a crazy week already and it's just Tuesday. Fortunately though Grandma is home and that means I have lots of help with LG so things should be back to normal on the blog soon.
Today I am grateful for even the most disappointing awards.
May you be blessed with a moment to catch you breath.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
I started really using twitter in the past few months. It took me awhile to get used to it but I think I pretty much get the idea. I am doing a lot of networking. On Tuesday I really felt a lot of community as we all sat tweeting waiting to hear for the 10A results. I followed a lot of new people and was followed by a lot of new people.
I get unfollowed almost as much as I get followed, mostly because I rarely tweet and when I do it is never of much significance. The thing is people get bloody mad when you unfollow them. I don't. I try to figure out who it was, like last week I am pretty sure the outlaw preachers stopped following me. Probably because I don't tweet about outlaw preachers stuff because that hashtag gets used a lot.
My point being, some people I am currently following tweet and retweet in a way that I can't see the rest of the people I follow for hours at a time. I have tried to find a way to see only the tweets I want to but it isn't working out. I am tempted to unfollow but then people get upset. I also think they are interesting people, some who over share. Maybe I will make a list of just the people who aren't always tweeting. I don't know. It's just bothersome. 40 tweets an hour makes me look like a novice LOL!
I find this hilarious because I have been regularly teased that I am addicted to facebook by my eldest brother. He says he can't imagine what my twitter is like. It kind of makes me laugh.
So there it is for you fine folks, my twitter dilemma.
May you be bless with such a needless dilemma today.
I am grateful for the community I find online especially with God's called people.
I get unfollowed almost as much as I get followed, mostly because I rarely tweet and when I do it is never of much significance. The thing is people get bloody mad when you unfollow them. I don't. I try to figure out who it was, like last week I am pretty sure the outlaw preachers stopped following me. Probably because I don't tweet about outlaw preachers stuff because that hashtag gets used a lot.
My point being, some people I am currently following tweet and retweet in a way that I can't see the rest of the people I follow for hours at a time. I have tried to find a way to see only the tweets I want to but it isn't working out. I am tempted to unfollow but then people get upset. I also think they are interesting people, some who over share. Maybe I will make a list of just the people who aren't always tweeting. I don't know. It's just bothersome. 40 tweets an hour makes me look like a novice LOL!
I find this hilarious because I have been regularly teased that I am addicted to facebook by my eldest brother. He says he can't imagine what my twitter is like. It kind of makes me laugh.
So there it is for you fine folks, my twitter dilemma.
May you be bless with such a needless dilemma today.
I am grateful for the community I find online especially with God's called people.
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