37 the number of days I have left until the big move.
2 the number of clearance art pieces I bought last night for less than $2. Even though I said I wasn't buying anything for the new place until we got there. I couldn't pass them up.
5 the number of things I am frustrated about.
842478247382947923 The number of unflattering things I want to say about people on my blog just to vent. Lets include in that number trivial things I would like to b*tch and moan about.
1 the number of beautiful babies I have, for which I am very grateful.
Endless.... blessings what I wish for you.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Late Night/Early Morning
I stayed up late last night clicking link after link on the internet. I was reading about the quiverfull movement. There is a new book out on it written by an "outsider" which I am itching to get my paws on. I read for hours first hand accounts of women who left. Random people's opinions and saw the darkest side of this movement. Before I knew it, it was 1 am. I dragged my very tire behind to bed. At 2 am Lilia was up and ready to parrrrrrtttttttyyyyy! I sat up with her until 4. She was up by 8 this morning. I am dragging to say the least. I am not sure if I had an early morning or a late night at this point.
I do know that for some reason a zen like calm came over me at 2 am and even though I was tired and cranky and anticipating today's zombie like state from lack of sleep, I was grateful to hold this little girl in my arms, the little girl I prayed for, for what seemed like an eternity, the one who is so full of promise, who can do anything she wants with her life because she isn't being raised in a sect that doesn't value women beyond motherhood, my beautiful God given daughter.
Today I am grateful that my daughter has the chance to live to her fullest potential whatever that may be.
I am so blessed to have my beautiful healthy child, even at 2 am.
I do know that for some reason a zen like calm came over me at 2 am and even though I was tired and cranky and anticipating today's zombie like state from lack of sleep, I was grateful to hold this little girl in my arms, the little girl I prayed for, for what seemed like an eternity, the one who is so full of promise, who can do anything she wants with her life because she isn't being raised in a sect that doesn't value women beyond motherhood, my beautiful God given daughter.
Today I am grateful that my daughter has the chance to live to her fullest potential whatever that may be.
I am so blessed to have my beautiful healthy child, even at 2 am.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
My Stomach and Caillou
The past three days I have had a bit of a stomach bug. Since Sunday evening basically eating has lead to almost immediate digestion and a visit to the toilet. This was not particularly concerning to me because every so often when my Aunt Flo comes for a visit this symptom comes with her. Today I asked Paul to run to the store and get me some medicine. I am not a taker of medicine but today I thought well it's not getting any better. I don't know why I didn't take it sooner. I feel like myself again. A bit tired but much better and I haven't seen the bathroom in hours. I even ate a bagel several hours ago.
Yesterday as long as I didn't eat solid food and I stayed still I felt ok. I spent all day locked in the family room with Lilia watching Caillou. She absolutely adores Caillou. This was one of the shows I have long hated. Years before Lilia was even conceived, I voted against Caillou, he annoys me. Yesterday though he kept Lilia happy and entertained while I tried to recover. I want to share with you some observations, how is it his name is Caillou and his sister Rosie? I thought he was Asian but I am not sure he is supposed to be. Why doesn't Caillou have hair? He is a little old to still be baby bald isn't he? Why is it Caillou is almost always in shorts and that weird shirt with short sleeves but all the adults are in long pants and sweaters? This seems irresponsible, I don't really like Caillou but someone buy him a sweater! Assuming Caillou's Mom did the decorating in the house she must really like hearts, they are on everything but the cat and the kids. The walls, the floors, the chairs, the toy box. Hearts are everywhere. On another note, George Carlin did the voice of Grandpa until 2008. One of the Caillou voice actors was killed in a car accident. Caillou is not from Japan or China as one might assume based on his look and Asian style shirt... he was created in Canada. Caillou's toys are mighty expensive, I googled them. I thought maybe I would pick one up for Lilia. I must say as much as the whiny brat Caillou annoys me it is really fantastic to watch Lilia sing the theme song. I bought her a Caillou book last week and watching her identify things like colors, the phone and Caillou is rather amusing to me.
Today I am grateful for knock off brand Imodium and Caillou, even if I can't stand his whiny little but.
May you be blessed by gratitude for some of your first world experiences.
Yesterday as long as I didn't eat solid food and I stayed still I felt ok. I spent all day locked in the family room with Lilia watching Caillou. She absolutely adores Caillou. This was one of the shows I have long hated. Years before Lilia was even conceived, I voted against Caillou, he annoys me. Yesterday though he kept Lilia happy and entertained while I tried to recover. I want to share with you some observations, how is it his name is Caillou and his sister Rosie? I thought he was Asian but I am not sure he is supposed to be. Why doesn't Caillou have hair? He is a little old to still be baby bald isn't he? Why is it Caillou is almost always in shorts and that weird shirt with short sleeves but all the adults are in long pants and sweaters? This seems irresponsible, I don't really like Caillou but someone buy him a sweater! Assuming Caillou's Mom did the decorating in the house she must really like hearts, they are on everything but the cat and the kids. The walls, the floors, the chairs, the toy box. Hearts are everywhere. On another note, George Carlin did the voice of Grandpa until 2008. One of the Caillou voice actors was killed in a car accident. Caillou is not from Japan or China as one might assume based on his look and Asian style shirt... he was created in Canada. Caillou's toys are mighty expensive, I googled them. I thought maybe I would pick one up for Lilia. I must say as much as the whiny brat Caillou annoys me it is really fantastic to watch Lilia sing the theme song. I bought her a Caillou book last week and watching her identify things like colors, the phone and Caillou is rather amusing to me.
Today I am grateful for knock off brand Imodium and Caillou, even if I can't stand his whiny little but.
May you be blessed by gratitude for some of your first world experiences.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Almost There
Let me start with an update from last weeks post on my massive to do list. I finished just about everything but the editing and the celebratory drink. I am to a point where all I have to do is pack up the house and with 40 days left I am in no rush, I am an excellent packer. I will breeze through it. I also learned I can't book a storage unit until we are just a month away. So just in case you were sitting on the edge of your seat wondering what happened to my public to do list you now have the conclusion. We are in the home stretch. It's getting exciting and emotional.
Last night I went before session and was approved to be recommended to the CPM as an inquirer. That part was pretty easy because I wasn't very nervous since it is like being with family. I am pretty comfortable in my own skin with most people at our church. I will miss them greatly when we leave.
Lastly, I am really glad that we have choices when it comes to parenting. Lilia has been giving us trouble sleeping. I think she is starting to feel our stress about the move. She did sleep well last night so hopefully we are on a new course. Anyhow, I had been trying to curb her binky habit an decided to wait until after the move, I think she needs that comfort until after we get settled. The potty on the other hand is going a little better. I think if I stay consistent we might be on our way to potty trained soon.
Today I am grateful for an amazing church family and choices in parenting.
May you be blessed by knowing you are loved.
Last night I went before session and was approved to be recommended to the CPM as an inquirer. That part was pretty easy because I wasn't very nervous since it is like being with family. I am pretty comfortable in my own skin with most people at our church. I will miss them greatly when we leave.
Lastly, I am really glad that we have choices when it comes to parenting. Lilia has been giving us trouble sleeping. I think she is starting to feel our stress about the move. She did sleep well last night so hopefully we are on a new course. Anyhow, I had been trying to curb her binky habit an decided to wait until after the move, I think she needs that comfort until after we get settled. The potty on the other hand is going a little better. I think if I stay consistent we might be on our way to potty trained soon.
Today I am grateful for an amazing church family and choices in parenting.
May you be blessed by knowing you are loved.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
The Lesson My Dad Didn't Mean to Teach Me
Dad's teach you lots of things. 12.5 years ago today mine died. I have found in the past week I think about him a lot. I was getting really anxious about the big move which for the record is just a mere 42 days away. I think it is also safe to say that all of my large move related projects are out of the way. That means I just have to pack. I digress. Just in case you are new here, my dad got sick when I was 8. He had a mystery illness that doctors kept saying was in his head. He eventually slipped into a coma at our house while I was down the street playing with my friends. I left in the morning, slept over because my dad was rushed to a hospital in another state. I never saw my dad again. I saw his body, I heard him talk. He wasn't my dad anymore. He was a guy that looked like my dad and sounded like him but he didn't really act like him. He had massive brain damage. He started to recover but didn't get very far. When I was 18 he died.
That day though when he was here not feeling well one day and gone the next, it has influenced my entire life. I try to live and not get stuck in the daily grind which is incredibly hard. Back to the point, this week when I was tossing around some of the lingering feelings of loosing my dad and the emotional difficulty I face as I move to Louisville this summer, I heard Lady Gaga's song, Hair. "I''ll die living just as free as my hair." Dam straight Gaga! It clicked, I am jumping on this opportunity because it might not come around again, leaving just about everything you know is scary. Some how the song, my dad's illness, Louisville it all clicked in some way that made me feel very confident about my decision. Of course it was much more eloquent in my head earlier today when I wasn't feeling quite so sleep deprived.
I whispered to my baby girl today, sometimes life isn't fair. Your Pop Pop should be here with us loving on you. Everyday matters.
What I didn't tell her was that eventually we all end up a pile of ash. No matter how excited our mom was to find out she was expecting us. No matter how much our dad loved us. Nothing can change it, we all return to dust.
Life's short... Live it.
I don't think my dad every told me that. He sure did show me though.
That day though when he was here not feeling well one day and gone the next, it has influenced my entire life. I try to live and not get stuck in the daily grind which is incredibly hard. Back to the point, this week when I was tossing around some of the lingering feelings of loosing my dad and the emotional difficulty I face as I move to Louisville this summer, I heard Lady Gaga's song, Hair. "I''ll die living just as free as my hair." Dam straight Gaga! It clicked, I am jumping on this opportunity because it might not come around again, leaving just about everything you know is scary. Some how the song, my dad's illness, Louisville it all clicked in some way that made me feel very confident about my decision. Of course it was much more eloquent in my head earlier today when I wasn't feeling quite so sleep deprived.
I whispered to my baby girl today, sometimes life isn't fair. Your Pop Pop should be here with us loving on you. Everyday matters.
What I didn't tell her was that eventually we all end up a pile of ash. No matter how excited our mom was to find out she was expecting us. No matter how much our dad loved us. Nothing can change it, we all return to dust.
Life's short... Live it.
I don't think my dad every told me that. He sure did show me though.
Monday, June 13, 2011
To Do List
I have four huge projects this week.
1. Construct Poster Board Shrine for Graduating Senior. DONE!
2. Fill out all CPM paper work and write all 9 essays.
3. Clean last remaining mountain of erroneous junk out of the office.
4. Finish editing the freaking documentary.
Less Huge Projects
1. Get really plastered when tasks 1-4 are complete. Especially #4.
2. Bring Dad to his final resting place.
3. Get both DJ and Trinity their distemper shots at cheap shots clinic.
4. Open House. Find somewhere to bring Trin for four hours.
5. Hopefully finish up all the prep I can do ahead of time for Lilia's Birthday Party.
6. Open new bank account.
7. Secure Storage Unit in Louisville.
Note: Tasks 2-4 all have to happen on Sunday as well as church. Nothing over laps the four hours I have to be out of the house. It's going to be a long day.
When all that is done my loves, I will back to blog all about it. Until then I hope you have a fantastic week. Pray that I tackle this to do list with ease and that some of the tension being held in my back and shoulders leaves.
1. Construct Poster Board Shrine for Graduating Senior. DONE!
2. Fill out all CPM paper work and write all 9 essays.
3. Clean last remaining mountain of erroneous junk out of the office.
4. Finish editing the freaking documentary.
Less Huge Projects
1. Get really plastered when tasks 1-4 are complete. Especially #4.
2. Bring Dad to his final resting place.
3. Get both DJ and Trinity their distemper shots at cheap shots clinic.
4. Open House. Find somewhere to bring Trin for four hours.
5. Hopefully finish up all the prep I can do ahead of time for Lilia's Birthday Party.
6. Open new bank account.
7. Secure Storage Unit in Louisville.
Note: Tasks 2-4 all have to happen on Sunday as well as church. Nothing over laps the four hours I have to be out of the house. It's going to be a long day.
When all that is done my loves, I will back to blog all about it. Until then I hope you have a fantastic week. Pray that I tackle this to do list with ease and that some of the tension being held in my back and shoulders leaves.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Sunday
I am really tired all the time. Our bed has a defect the manufacturer won't take responsibility for. After about five hours even if LG is sleeping well I am up tossing and turning and not getting the sleep I need. I give in around 6:30 am and get up and start another day of running around. The point is I am exhausted.
Even today the beautiful sabbath day I have a list longer than the hours in the day to accomplish. So despite my sheer exhaustion and my very long you are moving half way across the country in 49 days list, I think I will drag my behind to church and at the very least have an hour of time where I can pray for peace in my soul and maybe get my head off moving.
I am blessed to have a church family that loves me.
Even today the beautiful sabbath day I have a list longer than the hours in the day to accomplish. So despite my sheer exhaustion and my very long you are moving half way across the country in 49 days list, I think I will drag my behind to church and at the very least have an hour of time where I can pray for peace in my soul and maybe get my head off moving.
I am blessed to have a church family that loves me.
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