Parenting as Spiritual Practice

I am taking a class on monasticism and I am learning so much about practices. As I was reading the other day I was becoming somewhat overwhelmed with some of the ideas that were speaking to me. How could I, the mom, the student, the wife, the chef, the housekeeper, the errand runner make my life more spacious? This on top of feeling like I am being buried alive by toys every ten seconds. Other times it feels like my own stuff is going to tumble down and take out a toe or two, clean dishes on the right of the sink, dirty on the left both piles desperately crying for my attention as I try to balance homework and potty training. Sometimes it is just all too much. Too much stuff, to many things on my to do list, not enough time, not enough energy, not enough sleep, not enough quiet. If I sit and think about it long enough my head might actually spin.

Then this moment happened, my life doesn't have to be governed by to do lists. Enter in cynical voice, but you have to keep things some what clean. So as these two fought in my head, I started to begin to think about some spiritual practices I have learned over the years. For example praying as you make dinner for your family, for the workers who brought the food to your table and so on. Then I thought about just being present with LG. What if instead of just handing her things to keep her out of my hair while I am trying to do the dishes or fold the laundry or read a book for school, what if I put it all down and fully engaged with her.

So I did I put it all down and when Paul got home from work we ate dinner and went to the splash park. I took towels with me and my keys, no phone no bag no junk, just a towel and a cover up for LG. I spent two hours just being fully present with her and Paul and honestly it's a bit like meditating at first. There was this sense of Paul has an eye on her time to make a mental to do list. I had to keep reminding myself to be present there with them not looking ahead in my mind. There I found the holy and remembered what a precious gift these moments are. My child who is ever growing and learning and exploring is so happy to have me by her side for the journey. When I slow down and take time for the holy in everyday tasks, I don't miss any of the joy parenthood brings.

Maybe the answer then is just finding God exactly where you are with all the tasks and piles of crap you have to deal with. Well at least for those of us who won't be going to live at the monastery anytime soon. I started last week reminding myself to be grateful for LG. When she is frustrating me I remember the moments of near tears while out running errands and being surrounded by pregnant women. I stop take a breathe and remember she is not my burden, she is my beautiful and precious gift from God. It really puts things into perspective for me. I wonder if we all stopped and did this every time our child(ren) get frustrating if it would revolutionize parenting? It's really hard not to get lost in that frustration!

I think that I am on the path to finding the holy moments in parenting and today if you are a parent or caretaker I invite you to join me on the journey.  I never expected a class on monasticism to teach me about parenting as spiritual practice but is has and I am grateful.

Noticing

I was sitting in class recently listening to people talk about love as an expression of gratitude, with in the bounds of faith, and gratitude for God's love. As we talked about our experiences of God's love it occurred to me that in my personal experience, having our daughter was the moment that stood out. Actually it was a series of moments, but from the time I knew she was growing inside me I was so grateful for her. When she was born, when she hit milestones and currently as she approaches her third! birthday. I noticed though in that moment that recently in all my frustration I had forgotten to be grateful. So I wanted to take a minute and say even though if you have spoken to me recently you know I am at my wits end with how our family life is going these days, I need to say I am grateful for LG. I am so grateful for her vibrant and healthy little self. I am trying to remember that in moments of sheer frustration and there are many like trying to put clothes on a kid who just wants to be naked. May I never forget to be grateful for her beautiful life.

A Heat Wave?

Things you don't expect to hear on the forecast, "Cooling to 100 on Sunday." We are in our second week of 100+ temperatures with no real end in site, cooling off seems to be 99. There is a small chance of the upper 80s next week which will probably feel like snow weather. I am super grateful for air conditioning. Also this heat wave has really helped us make progress in potty training. LG hasn't had a pee pee accident in days. Staying in the house or just outside the door in the baby pool has helped us get on track with potty training. Now if I could just convince her it is better to poop in the potty then in her undies we might be able to call this game.

Days like Today are Rough

Today was the 4th of July. I used to love days like today, an extra day off of work, fireworks, usually spending the day poolside and eating some sort of grilled delights. It's how I grew up, it is how I have probably spent nearly every July 4th in my life at a cook out with a pool surrounded by people. I moved away from my life long community where these kind of invitations were the norm almost a year ago and what I have noticed is that I really miss my home, my people on days like today.

It's days like today I realize that this thing called faith and listening to God's call have turned my world upside down. In reality it started a few years ago when I started questioning my own patriotism in light of faith. I don't want to get into that all here, it's just really hard to say we are all God's children and then say yay us!

Moving here has taken me away from nearly everything I know, granted I am getting to know lots of knew things but all that newness gets exhausting, sometimes you need something that is just comfortable. Paul no longer has holidays off so today felt like just another day, not one set apart for celebrating anything. With the temperature hovering between 99-105 yet again it is too hot to really enjoy spending the day outside with out being in a pool. I was totally bummed this morning as I thought of the day ahead and how we have spent this day as a family in the past, with friends and family. I got to thinking maybe it's what I make of it. So I made kool aid, which is a treat for LG. I took out the bigger baby pool and invited some of LG's friends to our "front porch" for a morning swim. We have an ample supply of ice pops that came in handy. I rummaged around the kitchen and found supplies for black bean burgers and intended upon making a quinoa and sun-dried tomato salad. Paul came home from work with left over pizza, not typical food for the fourth but it was less work.

I hope at the end of the day that LG is making great memories even if they are different from mine. I long for the hot summer days filled with pools and grills, beaches and boats... cool summer nights under the stars with a little fire and friends or walking on the moon lit beach. I really just don't know how to "do" summer in my new context. We did see fireworks twice in two days and bonus tonight's display involved air conditioning. I have a community here, we are just all students and not a one of us has a pool and it's just too darn hot to sit out on the communal patio for more than ten minutes.

I guess I am grateful for air conditioning and living in a place where clean water is so abundant that I can fill the baby pool each morning and empty each night laden with guilt because I have held in my arms a child with out enough water just to drink and I get to use water for play. We are blessed, in spite of all this desolation. 

We need each other.

Friends, readers and maybe the random person stopping by. The day is young and has already been very stressful. Yours truly would be super grateful if you could keep us in your prayers, thoughts and good vibes. We need each other in life, we aren't supposed to go it alone. Let me know how I can pray for you.

Gratefully,
Becca

Kindred Spirits

I often feel like the "odd man out" when it comes to matters of school and vocation (or sense of call as we call it in my world). I constantly struggle with feeling called to serve God's people with out very much from the material world. I also pretty regularly lust after stuff from the material world. It's a conundrum at best. It's a tension I have to live in for now. Even in seminary this call to less makes me often feel like I am on the outside. We have conversations about medical coverage, pensions and other parks of the compensation for the job of ministry. Those conversations sometimes leave me feeling dirty and frustrated.

I feel called into deeper practice, in to more disciplines that will allow my faith to go. A deeper call away from the things of society to the stuff of faith lived. It's a lonely call most of the time, even those called beside me in ministry don't often understand it. I have learned to live with it.

Lately though I have noticed I have a few kindred spirits around here. I am noticing people who are thinking like me, practicing like me and questioning like me. I am slowly having conversations that are life giving.

I am grateful for the discovery of new  kindred spirits.
May you be blessed by the feeling of being understood. 

Calming Down

Well summer is upon us and my schedule is finally calming down. LG and I have been traveling a lot and Paul even got to come on one trip with us. I am back to class this week for summer classes and that is the only plan I have for the month. This is such a relief as it has been crazy around here as you might have noticed by my lack of blog posts! If you are still out there wondering if I have lost all sense of gratitude, you can rest easy that I have not. Today I am grateful for time to dust and just get caught up with the cleaning tasks that have been ignored for entirely too long.

May you be blessed with catching your breath.