The Comfort of Home

As I get older (readers who think I am a baby bite your tongue) I find that there are a few things that really give me comfort because they remind me of my childhood. So of course like anyone there are certain foods that bring me back or I want when down, you know comfort food. Recently I found on a Sunday afternoon having football on in the back ground was rather comforting to me. Made me feel almost safe. That's because every Sunday was spent watching NFL football or car racing in our house. Usually both in some combination. I hated football for a very long time and I out grew car racing right around when it became cool to everyone else. Now on Sunday afternoons as I cook or clean or read or do what ever it is that Sunday brings you can usually hear a football game on because it gives me comfort.

Today I was getting ready to put football on when I happened along a PBS telethon that was featuring big band music. There was a show on that was some what reminiscent of the Lawrence Welk Show. I stopped clicking and listened awhile. Thought to myself I need to pull out my big band music CD. Then I had this horrifying thought. What if some day no one knows the Lawrence Welk show or the Glenn Miller Band or just big band in general? Suddenly I felt my age. I was painfully aware that I am an oddity even in my own generation. I recalled my Grandmother complaining that there was no nice music anymore. Listening to the big band today I understand where she was coming from. She was right, while I like some modern music it is not that same as big band, which you can listen to with you family and not give it a second thought. I love the dancing too. Why do we not have those sorts of night club opportunities today. How grand would it be to have a forties ball room experience today? One where women don't have to look like slut bags and men are much more covert about their wanting "to get it on" with the ladies. What if there was still something left to the imagination? What if the music actually had music in it.

I know I sound like a jaded old woman now. I was riding in the car the other day listening to the radio and had to change the station because every song was about cheating on your other with no regret or some other behavior that wouldn't be becoming of the young lady I am trying to raise. I didn't used to do that. So now I am thinking that maybe those old big band cds might have a two fold purpose. Lilia will be exposed to something many of her peers won't know and it will be better than the radio for sure.

So at any rate, it makes me think of my grandparents who I miss dearly. I am wondering what did your grandparents teach you as their legacy?

Mine taught me to appreciate this...

Fall Fest Begins!

So today we went on our first Fall Family Outing of the year. We started out by going to get some mums from a farm about 40 minutes from here. We love the mums from this place and they are reasonably priced and grown right there with local farm help. Could you ask for more? So last year was the first year we went there. We took a picture of Lilia with the mums and did the same this year check them out.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!!!!

I forgot the camera. So we had to make due with the cell phone today. I didn't get as many shots as I wanted of our next adventure. Originally we had planned on heading out to Princeton to apple pick at an orchard where we buy apple cider every year. However I hawk eyed a little homemade sign pointing us to Russo's U Pick Apples. We followed many a sign like it all through the winding back roads of what I think was Burlington County and Monmouth County. I should have taken pictures of the little signs they were just charming.

So off we went apple picking. Here are the high lights.
Hope you enjoyed!

Other fall related thoughts. We bought some apple cider doughnuts that weren't so great and now we are on a quest to find the real deal. Last weekend in VT we had for the first time soft serve maple ice cream AKA Maple Creamies. That was pure bliss for someone who isn't the biggest ice cream fan in the world. Just enough maple and it was real too no fake overly sweet fake maple. I wanted to take a picture of the sign and what not but I forgot. It is a little store just down the road from our camp ground called the Pumpkin Patch.

Happy Fall!

Noticed

Yesterday I noticed a few things about my life.

1. I never get a day off and I probably won't for a very long time. Maybe it was just my mood yesterday but this makes me feel a little over whelmed.

2. Friday Night no longer has meaning because Saturday is just like Friday or Monday. Weekends for me don't exist. There is no tomorrow is Saturday so I get to relax.

3. We often sit the baby in her chair to eat and run around the house getting things done. I think I will stop this because I noticed yesterday that she ends up eating alone. That's just not cool. So I guess I will have to find some other time to straighten the house and fold the laundry.


Yesterday, I wasn't feeling well, I was completely stressed out and hormonal. I have a lot on my plate and my mind. So maybe just maybe that all was effecting the way I felt. Today is still too new to know what it will bring.

If today starts your weekend, Happy Weekend to you!

Horrific!

So this morning I was reading a youth worker update that comes to my in-box each week. There was a link to some writing about a news story that I must have missed over the weekend while away. So I had to find the story and read it. So a teen girl in Canada went to a rave, which I am assuming is your typical teenage part in Canada speak, assuming the late 90s raves are a thing of the past. However I live under a rock at times so I could be wrong. Said teen girl gets drugged and rapped; gang rapped. Some _______________ (pick your poison) of a teen boy took pictures of said rape (weirdo who needs help) and POSTED THEM ON FACEBOOK (maybe needs some jail time or at least inpatient mental health care). So ok get the pictures taken down press charges done. Oh no no no, said pictures went viral on facebook and have been downloaded and reposted all over the place.

OK I am not one to swear much on my blog these days, but are you fucking kidding me?

There are so many levels of wrong there, that I can't even begin!

It got me thinking though are we breeding the conscious out of people? Have we forgotten to teach kids about right and wrong? Have we been that desensitized my our culture that kids think it is ok to do things like this?

How on Earth do I raise a child so that she knows clearly there is a line in life that you just don't cross?

Cyber-bullying is cowardly. Name calling is not acceptable. Rise above the influences of your peers and don't be afraid to have a voice and use it to do right. It seems so simple. I guess like most other things when you have kids, it starts with me and how I interact and react to those around me. God in heaven help me!

Bad Parents?

Last night Lilia went to bed probably two hours early than she normally does. Although normal is kind of relative because it changes. So our little night owl was asleep by 8 last night. Whew! Momma was in bed shortly there after. Of course she woke up at 3 and then at 4 at which point Paul clumsily brought her in our bed. She was restless until 5. Thinking there was a teething problem I brought in a cup of water, teething tabs and a clean diaper. This all just woke her up more. So I reluctantly dragged myself out of bed and plopped her into her playpen much to her demise. She started to cry and I waited it out and she started to play. Then out of no where she starts screaming. So I get out of the chair and fumble with my slippers and angrily mutter shut up already under my breath. I feed her breakfast in my arms because she is now so upset I can't put her down. She calms. I hand her off to Paul while I fix her a bottle and I give her a bottle too. This is not our norm but she just seemed to need it.

Five minutes after the bottle she was sound asleep on my lap at 6 am. She of course peed all over me and I had to go change her and she woke up. Then I got her back to sleep in her crib.

All I can think is OMGosh, we were starving our kid and getting mad at her for protesting and didn't even know it! I could venture into a million reasons why we didn't think to feed her. However, I will just end with we screwed up and hopefully next time we will do better.

God and thoughts on God

First let me start by saying when I preached I accidentally said something was the gospel that wasn't. No one called me out on it but man did it irk me. I said it was the gospel reading but it wasn't part of the gospel. Oh well. Such is life. In case any one is reading I do know the difference.

Now, I have had faith in God for as long as I can remember. This is an oddity in it self because I wasn't raised with God. I knew the stories of Christmas and Easter. I knew there was a bible and I knew there were churches but we only went for Baptisms, Weddings and the like. However I always wanted to go to church from the time I was like five years old I would ask to go to church. Around 16 I finally went to a church for no particular reason other than being dragged there by my mother. I would say that is when my faith really took root and became a normal part of my life. I should also add that I am not counting the time I got "saved" in an after school prayer club. I also went through a period of time where I didn't believe there was a God at all.

Until now my faith has never made me feel too different than everyone else. I mean there are little things here and there. Never has there been anything that was so glaringly different that I couldn't ignore it. Alas though the time has come where I feel like I might have just a little Jesus freak in me. I am not spilling the beans on my blog as to what has made me feel this way it is a little personal. (If you are one of those needs the details people, e-mail, send a letter, a text, call, smoke signal and I will try to honor your request.) I will tell you that I have made some active and prayerful decisions that were incredibly hard to make. Likely because they involve trusting God. Also giving up somethings and facing others.

As I force myself out of the house on Sunday mornings to get my booty to church I notice the sermons really reaching me. As if God has sent the Preacher Man just to speak to me. Which I know isn't the case. It just makes me feel as if these hard decisions were possibly the best ones I could have made.

Affirmation.

Being Good

OK so really I should probably spend time reflecting on today's sermon because it was a good one. The last two times I have been in church I have understood things and felt really connected. This is a very good thing. However I am going to let them simmer a little longer.

I want to write about something very personal that I have never really written and shared before. I have always struggled with my weight. Always from the time I was like five I was fat of course then they called it chubby or baby fat. I never out grew it. I just got well fatter. In my mid twenties I learned part of the reason, hormones not working how they should. The only medication that helps makes me incredibly sick. At least there was a reason for the struggle.

Lately I have been feeling crummy so I decided to monitor my diet. Not go on a diet because that is just a set up for failure. Now my other problem is I tend to be an emotional eater. Which might also explain why childhood wasn't good for me. My grandmother comforted me with cake and cookies and candy and ice cream and all those tasty things that seem to start with a C. Then I would wash them down with root beer because me and Grammy loved root beer. I should be clear my Grammy just enjoyed feeding people. I am in no way implying it is her fault I packed on the pounds.

In the past few years I have been able to identify when I am emotional and eating and try to just own it. I am emotional and I am trying to eat my feelings away. This week though I made huge progress. At least in my own opinion. Twice this week I faced really emotional situations. Twice I resisted the urge to stuff myself full of crap or soda.

Friday night as I sorted through Kira's old clothes I was crying and hugging them. I thought about drinking a ton of soda but I didn't. I thought about french fries and sweets but I didn't go get any. Which is kind of funny because that is the only time I eat those foods in quantity.

Anyhow I did it. I resisted the urge to eat when I was upset. I feel like that was a little victory for me. One I am rather proud of maybe the start of something new.