Friday, May 27, 2011

We are taking a little time off around these parts. Check back next week after for updates.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


Lately it seems that everyday I am in a state of preparing. I am preparing to move, preparing to study, preparing a birthday party, preparing for a camping trip, preparing for lots of spring and summer events.

Every day I have a to do list that is longer than the hours in the day or my stamina. All this preparation is distracting me from living life. I am too busy getting ready to live. I hope after this weekends trip I will have been able to disconnect and recharge and actually enjoy the time away. Same goes for when my baby's second birthday party day comes, I hope I can enjoy at least a little part of the day.

Today I am grateful for time to prepare.
May you be blessed by enjoying all the preparations.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Weekend Theology

This weekend I inadvertently found myself reflecting on a lot of theology. It was after all the predicted rapture. It has been getting a lot of press still. In case you are new here, that is not something I believed in. As a student of religion I was however rather interested in the group who did believe it. I did a little research. I made jokes like everyone else. Then I saw a man on the news, he had sold everything, he stood in Times Square faithfully preaching the end until 6 o'clock passed. Then he stood there so confused and scared. He mumbled about how he didn't understand why nothing happened and the crowds began to taunt him. I felt genuinely bad for this man. I wished I could be there to usher him away so he could begin to process what did and didn't happen. I am disappointed in my fellow human beings who felt it right to taunt him. Even if he had preached their damnation. Rise above, show compassion. What an awful place to be it has to be like the whole world was pulled out from under you. Now do you move on and reestablish yourself? Do you remain faithful to the new prediction of October 21? I hope somewhere someone is standing by to show compassion to everyone who believed in this Rapture.

In all honesty I could relate to this man I had never met. Not that I believed in something that didn't happen but because we never know for sure in the world of religion who is right. There is no guarantee because a piece of Holy Scripture from any faith says something, that it will happen. I could spend my entire life dedicated to the church, Jesus, God or any number of things just to find out I was wrong all along. That's the thing about faith, it's blind most of the time because there is nothing tangible you can hold onto. I am hesitant to say I know anything for sure, other than maybe Jesus was all about Love. I am pretty sure of that even though there are some versus of scripture that make me second guess myself.

I was clicking around on the web reading news stories. I read one about a girl found kept in a crib turned makeshift cage by her parents. She was found eating her own dry skin flakes because she was hungry. Another child was found dead buried in their yard. There was also a one month old boy in the home. This kind of story broke my heart long before I had a child of my own, now it takes it to a whole new level. There I sat my theology of compassion and love being challenged because I felt such anger that someone would treat their child this way, to deny her the love and basic needs she is entitled to. I wanted to go find that little girl and pick her up and hold her and tell her she is wanted and she is loved. I felt such anger well up I thought of punishments for her obviously evil and self serving parents. I wanted justice on the spot. Then there is theology, I believe that God loves us all despite our screw ups. We are all God's children. Then I just want to swear every word I know how to swear with, because I don't want God to love these children. I want God to snuff them out like a candle. It's a hard reality to live in, one where what you want is not what God wants or does. It's a good thing because at times I am sure I might have been in need of God's wrath. Grace isn't just for me.

All that got me thinking about how other people view God, it seems that more often then not people just assume God agrees with them. They have interpreted the word of God in a way that they know for sure God agrees with them. We are all guilty of this, you and I included. It's just that lately I see this being used to fuel hate all over the world. Especially for people of different faiths or sexual orientations. In my time studying religion I have read a lot of Sacred Texts that aren't my own. They all have this continuous theme of love and peace. That is really confusing, that is why I thought for a long time I couldn't follow Jesus, because I couldn't read the Gospels and go out into the world and spew hate. I thought that is what it meant to follow Jesus.

I forced myself to go to church on Sunday and I am so glad I did. I needed that time to hear of God's love. To hear that the mystery of it all is what makes it beautiful and in my opinion worth it. I needed to take time out to connect with God in the midst of my panic about moving. There in that quiet moment I heard God's call stronger than it's been in a while.

I am so very grateful that I have met and know a loving God whose Grace I cannot understand.
May you be blessed by God's love.

Friday, May 20, 2011

About Life

This is a blog about life and my quest to find gratitude in the mundane everyday ebb and flow. I read a lot of blogs that are either books in process or theologically based (read mini sermons). I really value those blogs. I get a lot out of them. Then I start thinking wow they have a lot of followers. Then I get this tainted thought of I should write more meaningful stuff. Then I go spiraling into this dark place of self doubt for not being like everyone else.

Truth is I am not any one else. This blog is meant to be about my story. About my journey and remaining grateful for all I have. About maintaining a lifestyle that is a little different than most of the people around me. A lifestyle that has no specific parameters other than not valuing stuff. A little side note on that... we are failing epically at that. As I prepare for our big move this summer I am drowning in stuff much of which I am hesitant to part with.

That all being said, today I am girl who finally had a good nights sleep because my toddler didn't want to play at 4 am. I am a girl that is so stressed out by trying to take care of my toddler and prepare to move that at times I can barely function with out the desire to scream at someone. I am a girl that is feeling every inch of insecurity that has ever existed in her being as she steps forward into living not just her dream but God's call on her life. I am a girl that second guesses herself because culture sometimes tells her that she should be content to raise a family and nothing more. I am a girl who fears damaging her child with what at times seems like a selfish choice. I am a girl who gets adoption and baby making on the brain when in need of distraction. I am a girl that is human and broken and in need of grace. I am a girl that won't write a theological reflection on grace but rather sit here and pray that somehow grace finds me and I am alert enough to feel it, see it, taste it.

Today my gratitude lies in knowing the grace I can't see, hear, feel or taste is there somewhere.
May you be blessed by grace.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Catholic Church

I really don't enjoy going to Catholic Church. I am not Catholic and I have a lot of reasons for that. A lot of really great reasons. It seems though that nearly all of my current friends are Catholic which means I end up in Catholic Church a few times a year. I can tell you that with out fail something is said in every single Mass that makes my liberal Protestant skin crawl.

This past weekend we attended a First Holy Communion Mass. This was a first for me. I should tell you that as much as I have feelings about Catholicism, I know that these moments are really important to our friends who have invited us to share in them. I try every time to go in with an open heart and mind. I tell myself and usually Paul, that hey they find meaning here and that's OK actually it's wonderful that they have found meaning at all. So we marched in ready to do our duty as loyal friends and lovers of God. I can tell you hands down that the Catholics have got better churches to look at, all though the acoustics coupled with voice amplification drive me batty. They are usually beautiful. Saturday was no exception. We grabbed our copy of the liturgy and sat down in the very last row as to have an escape route if Lilia got out of hand. She had after all just spent 2 hours in her car seats

Mass started, the Priest was very personable, I liked that a lot. I felt like we could have a great conversation, that's an important trait for clergy. He had to remind people many times not to take pictures unless they were on the balcony. He had to ask several times for quiet during silent prayer. I thought to myself how annoying must this be, something he sees as so holy and sacred and people are treating it like a birthday party or small wedding.

There were the typical theological snafus for me but none that really made me angry. I watched with great attentiveness as I had never seen this before and I am a lover of all things religious ritual even when I don't agree with the theology. I was left wondering why the boys wore large white bows on their arms? It was a beautiful sacred event.

The thing that really got me were how many fake Catholics were there and how many people lacked the reverence and respect that this sacred moment deserved. Here's the deal I sat in the back row and I could see everyone. I couldn't believe how many people were wrapped up in either this is my kid and I need to get the perfect picture of this moment or that were just plain disrespectful. Not following along, talking and down right ignoring the instructions. Here I was the life long Protestant and I felt like I had more reverence and respect than some of my Catholic counter parts.

The same holds true in our church. It's a shared frustration. I just feel that if you are going to walk through the doors of a church you should respect the beliefs of that body. You don't have to agree with them or participate but you can at least sit quietly and try to take it in and understand what is going on.

I should mention our friends daughter looked beautiful and I was able to see her accept the Eucharist. They treated us and some close family to a wonderful lunch afterwards. It wasn't a small wedding. It was lovely and perfect for the occasion. I am impressed by how they take their commitment to raising their daughters in this way seriously and personally. They go to church every week because their daughter has to be there and they don't want to send her and be hypocrites!

Now that is what I am talking about!
I am proud to call them our friends.

Today I am grateful that I am able to see the beauty in a faith that doesn't always sit well with me. I am also grateful for those friends who are doing such a great job raising their girls.

May you be blessed by amazing friends like ours.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011


Last week we passed the 6 year mark, already. We lost him six years ago. I have been thinking about Tim a lot lately. Probably because his tree outside my window is drenched in tiny little green leaves. It is tall and full.

As Tim was dying for some reason he ordered all these tree saplings and shrubs and flowers for months after his death we were planting things, giving them away when we ran out of room. Only a couple of trees survived. Outside my bedroom window in a little open patch of grass there is a birch tree I believe. Actually it's two birch trees I hastily shoved in the ground trying to help them live. They are growing together into one beautiful tree. I am reminded of Tim daily as I look out at my little tree which isn't so little anymore. Tim was leaving a legacy. I don't know if that was his intention but it was his result.

I am sad that in a few months when we head west I can't take that tree with me. Maybe I will dry some of it's leaves.

Tim and I never had a good relationship until the very end. That is life as a teenager I guess. Tim didn't have any children of his own but I think despite all of my shoving away and general bitchiness he saw me that way. I wish I would have appreciated it sooner. Tim gave me a wedding I would have never had otherwise. He was passionate about politics. He really knew how to keep the lawn looking amazing, something I wish I picked up on. He knew how to love. He also keeps my collecting of things in check because he had 10 tape dispensers and probably had hording tendencies that kept us busy for a year after he passed away.

Tim was a character for sure. My life is better for having known him. May he rest in peace.

Today I am grateful for time well spent with others.
May you be blessed by the same.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

My Apologies

With last weeks blogger outage I must have gotten out of the habit of a daily blog, as my dear Paul pointed out to me last night when he exclaimed you haven't blogged in four days what is wrong!?!?!?!

I have a bunch of blog entries I am working on for your reading pleasure. However, currently I am very busy with paperwork for our move I have recently received both our housing and financial aid packets in the mail this week. I have a lot of signing and returning to do as well as gathering some information we need to complete our housing arrangements. That coupled with picking up my mom from the airport yesterday has made it a crazy week already and it's just Tuesday. Fortunately though Grandma is home and that means I have lots of help with LG so things should be back to normal on the blog soon.

Today I am grateful for even the most disappointing awards.
May you be blessed with a moment to catch you breath.

Thursday, May 12, 2011


I started really using twitter in the past few months. It took me awhile to get used to it but I think I pretty much get the idea. I am doing a lot of networking. On Tuesday I really felt a lot of community as we all sat tweeting waiting to hear for the 10A results. I followed a lot of new people and was followed by a lot of new people.

I get unfollowed almost as much as I get followed, mostly because I rarely tweet and when I do it is never of much significance. The thing is people get bloody mad when you unfollow them. I don't. I try to figure out who it was, like last week I am pretty sure the outlaw preachers stopped following me. Probably because I don't tweet about outlaw preachers stuff because that hashtag gets used a lot.

My point being, some people I am currently following tweet and retweet in a way that I can't see the rest of the people I follow for hours at a time. I have tried to find a way to see only the tweets I want to but it isn't working out. I am tempted to unfollow but then people get upset. I also think they are interesting people, some who over share. Maybe I will make a list of just the people who aren't always tweeting. I don't know. It's just bothersome. 40 tweets an hour makes me look like a novice LOL!

I find this hilarious because I have been regularly teased that I am addicted to facebook by my eldest brother. He says he can't imagine what my twitter is like. It kind of makes me laugh.

So there it is for you fine folks, my twitter dilemma.

May you be bless with such a needless dilemma today.
I am grateful for the community I find online especially with God's called people.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

PC(USA) Passes 10A

If you haven't heard, last night the PC(USA) got the 87th vote needed to ratify a constitutional change that will allow for the ordination of LGBT people. There is a lot of discussion going on around the web. I sat glued to my computer awaiting live tweets from the meeting at the Twin Cities Presbytery. I made a bunch of new "twitter friends" along the way. I felt so much more community than I normally do. It wasn't like I was only interacting with young Presbyterians either. I am not sure what it was but this forum of people rallying around the folks who were voting was just amazing. I finally felt like I fit in this world of Presbyterianism.

There were a fair share of cynics on twitter too, when do the apologies come, when will every Ordaining body have to accept LGBT folks, what about marraige? I understand that people have been deeply wounded by the church, rejected by the church and for that I am sorry. It sucks to be wounded by the church, I know, I have been there and my sexuality has never been on the chopping block. To the those tweeting cynicism, I am sorry the church has hurt you or rejected you however I really want to take a few minutes to celebrate this victory. People have worked really hard to make this kind of progress. It isn't a perfect process and we know that, there is still work that lies ahead.

Just for this moment though I want to sit back, saying I am proud to be a Presbyterian. That is not something I have felt before. Last night strange, as it was new to me, that online Presbyterian community really lifted me up. As I start seminary for the second time this fall and consider if I will seek ordination, I have often wondered if the PC(USA) is the place for me. I am a little closer to saying yes. That's a lot of growth for my relationship with the PC(USA).

I know we are Christians, I know we should be gracious "winners" and remember and hold up our brothers and sisters who are now feeling hurt and let down by their denomination. I know that this is going to shake things up in our denomination. I think that shake up is a good thing, it will help us to know that we are alive and breathing and with a mainline denomination with so much history, we need a reminder once in a while. Hopefully that makes us relevant today.

All that being said, in my joy last night at this milestone I held tension. Not because I am such a wonderful Christian that I was concerned for my fellow believers who disagree with me. I kind of felt like a five year old who wanted to yell we win we win. Maybe that is too honest, maybe it makes you think less of me but that's me, human imperfect and in need of grace. As I was following all these happy tweets I learned that the "Kill the Gays" bill is coming up for a vote this week in Uganda. So while the PC(USA) takes a huge step forward, Uganda a country which I have strong ties to its people, could potentially be taking several steps back.

So what do I do? I celebrate a "victory" here for my brothers and sisters. Do I mourn the legislation in Uganda that could potentially kill people for whom they have sex with?

What makes me even more upset is that according to many articles I have read, this law is the direct result of Christians who have brought their ideas to Africa, I am assuming after being rejected here. Are you kidding me? It makes my blood boil that any Christian, American or Ugandan would preach or teach hate. Especially violent hate.

Yet here I sit trying to be the "gracious winner". I just need to say that I am struggling with that. It's bad enough to read about this bill and on top of it read that it was fueled by Christians. My joy over the passing of the amendment here is seriously being held in check by the tension I feel because of the Ugandan legislation. I have been to Uganda and seen the beautiful people there. As I type this my mentor is back in Uganda visiting the children we help to support through our local church. Children who have faced so much adversity we can hardly wrap our American minds around it. I can't imagine them having to face anymore and it seems like the government there is failing. Not only with this bill but with some other very poor decisions in my not so humble opinion. I hope to live in Uganda for a while after my wee one is grown up quite a bit. I hope by that time things will have settled down.

The question I am left with is then what is a girl to feel? I guess I just need to feel it all and move through the day.

Today I am grateful to be a part of the Presbyterian Church.
May you be blessed with some passion for a great cause today.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Did I waste my 20's?

Every once in a while I sit back and reflect on my life. This random thought happened the other day, did I waste my my 20's? I didn't travel nearly as much as I could have. I over paid for one school and had to skimp on the others. I didn't buy a house or establish my career. I barely had a career. I didn't save up tons of cash, I barely saved any money. Go ahead cringe.

Here is what I did do in my twenties, I graduated twice. I got married. I had a beautiful baby girl. I experimented with my call. I didn't do much traveling but I did make it to Uganda and Burundi. I didn't live anywhere exciting but I did live a lot of different ways.

I was kind of bummed when I looked back over my twenties and realized how many things I didn't do. Like buying our first home, traveling more, establishing a career, started saving for anything let alone retirement.

There I was wallowing in myself pity when I realized what I really did in my twenties, I found myself. I know that sounds all neo-hippie and maybe even like a lame excuse to some. I however somehow along the way found my voice and became who I am today. I am not who everyone expected me to be. People had huge American Dreams for me. My dreams however have kind of turned to I don't know worldly? They go far beyond home ownership and a career. Here's the thing, I think I had to find myself and my confidence before I could really establish a career.

Here are somethings I know about myself now that I didn't know before, I not only like to travel and I can do so on my own or with company. I do not have to be nervous about such things. I am really glad I didn't buy a house first because it would have tied me down and taken away so many opportunities especially ones that are coming my way now, second um well the housing bust. I don't even know if I will ever want to buy a house. I might, I might not and that is OK. I no longer let other people's expectations of me and measures of success matter in my life. I know that when I say things like we might never buy a house, people think we are crazy. I know when we say things like when we move to Africa people roll their eyes behind our backs. Sometimes we even get a little strife when we say we will adopt at least one future child.

Now all that being said, I think I came away with something very powerful. I know that I actually don't want much of anything traditional. I think I spent most of my twenties trying to make myself want all the traditional things.

So here I sit half way through my thirtieth year. Glad that I have made it this far on the course that I did. I wouldn't be me otherwise. There is a confidence that comes with 30 that I didn't have before, a confidence in knowing who you are and having found your voice both in real life and on the page. That is the only way I can explain what I did last week. I submitted two pieces of writing to larger forums. They might get rejected, I am OK with that. If I want to write it's not going to happen over night. I will keep on writing everyday and move forward, I know these things take time. I also know that if I really want this I am going to have to face rejection multiple times and I am alright with that.

Today I am grateful for the confidence that has come with an age I was leery of.
I pray you are blessed by finding who you are.

Monday, May 9, 2011


Last week I had the chance to spend an evening at my Alma Matter for an enrichment lecture. The department from which I graduated, can you believe 5 years ago, has lectures a few times each semester which we are encouraged to come back for. I made the hour and a half trek up to the school. I was kind of taken back by all that I felt as I arrived on campus. I haven't been there probably in the past two years. The entrance to the campus looked amazing with thousands of red and white tulips in bloom. Then as I walked around campus I noticed how much other parts of the campus had been let go, surely a sign of the economic times. I was happy to be there none the less.

I made my way into the lecture hall. I quickly realized that none of my friends or professors were there. I was bummed to say the least. I was hoping to catch up with a few of them before I moved. Then the lecture started and the first speaker bored me to tears. The second speaker I enjoyed much more.

Then suddenly all of my nervousness about starting school full time again this fall just melted away. I became so excited about it. I really enjoy academic settings. I know when I am knee deep in readings and papers I might not feel this way but for right now I am so looking forward to my first week back in the classroom!

I am so grateful for the moments when I know who I am.
May you be blessed today by some passionate experience and some sunshine at least for those of us in the North East.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Going into the Woods

I have been debating what, if any, my contribution should be to this Rally to Restore Unity. I'll be honest my head is whirling with things I could write about. Then my stomach gets a little tight because while this blog of mine is public I think about ten people know it exists, of those ten about five visit regularly. I had this thought process of what if I make some glaring grammatical error and some stranger points it out to me publicly in my comments section?

Then again there is no way I could not participate in this because for years I have been saying if we could just set aside our differences and work together toward a common goal, like feeding hungry children, we might actually change the world. That seems like the point to me, our love (mirroring God's love), changing the world and then maybe we will get to that whole Kingdom of Heaven here on Earth thing. I must say props to Rachel Held Evans for well, actually doing something about it! Which leads me to say, go ahead to Charity:Water and donate a little cash would you? After all that's what this is all about, getting folks who really need clean water some water and learning to put our differences aside isn't it?

All week I have been noticing things that I could tie into the theme of Christian Unity.

In my own denomination we are nearing the end of a vote that will be a huge victory for some and devastating for others no matter what the end result. There has been much talk of how to be a gracious "winner". There has also been talk of what to do after "loosing", break apart, stand up for the truth?

Then Sunday night the news broke that Osama bin Laden had been killed. With in minutes I watched people in my twitter feed and facebook news feed start fighting with each other over the appropriate Christian response. Personally I went to bed wrestling my own theological ideas. I didn't know how to respond, I still don't, so I will stay quiet.

Tuesday night I attended a lecture that stretched me even further in another direction thinking about this idea of unity which for me has a whole lot to do with relationships. The inspiration just keeps on coming.

It seems to me that it is much easier to fight with each other. To argue and try to prove yourself and your God right is much easier than sitting down and listening. First let me say I know this from experience. Then let me mention the fear that if we listened well to our "enemy" that we might be stretched in our own beliefs. It seems to me, sometimes we want to and maybe we need to cling to our beliefs because they make us feel secure and help provide purpose for our lives. The idea of them being threatened is scary to say the least.

There are woods across the street from my childhood home, the house I still live in. When I was a little girl those woods scared the crap out of me, especially when it was dark. If it was dark and I was alone forget it. It was like a horror movie for me to ride past them on my bike. It probably didn't help that in the fourth grade just before Halloween our teachers decided to teach us all about the local lore, which here in the Pine Barrens of NJ includes the Jersey Devil. That's right it's not just a hockey team. I remember clearly getting off the school bus that day and running home crossing the street a few extra times just to avoid walking next to the woods. As I grew up the woods got smaller as more houses were built. I started walking through them. I stopped fearing the Jersey Devil. Tonight I walked right past them with my dog sniffing every leaf and I didn't give it much of a thought.

The thing is how I felt about those woods across the street from my house as a kid, it's how I feel sometimes about dealing with people I don't understand. Especially when they don't share in my beliefs, the ones who say things like it's "evil" for a woman to preach the Word of God or tell me that I am going to hell because I told a bunch of confirmation students that Muslims are actually peace loving people. When I see these people I sometimes run across the street and turn my head to the ground as to not have to interact with them. Just like running past the woods would undoubtedly save my fourth grade self from the glowing eyed Jersey Devil I imagined was lurking just behind a tree. The woods were scarey because I didn't know what was in them. I didn't know what I would find around the bend. What if some unknown creature jumped out and tried to eat me alive? Then I got to know them, I could anticipate the bend, the sounds and I could even see the beauty of God's creation in them.

The beauty is when I put aside my fear and was able to venture into the woods I eventually learned a lot about the amazing diverse creation that was surrounding me. I am left wondering am I the only one who puts their head down, crosses the "street" while picking up a faster pace and prays to pass unnoticed? I don't think so, because I have seen my counter parts do the same on the other side of the street. I can't help but wonder who I have already passed by with my head down, feet quickening, empty prayer, street crossing self.

Sometimes I am brave enough to enter new woods that still scare me because I don't know what to expect. I am glad to have found that part of myself because it has allowed me to build deeply spiritual relationships with wonderful people who believe nothing I believe. When I stopped seeing them as other, I was able to see them as fellow children of God, who like me are human and have a story to share. People with whom I can feed the hungry any day.

That's what it's about right? Jesus telling us to love one another. A love so radical it can change the world.

Today I am grateful that I have learned to go into the woods, even if it means that God's creation sends me back humbled.

May you be blessed with some wandering in woods you have never seen before.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Technology Bridging the Gap

One of my closest friends is expecting her first child this summer. Right as she and her husband relocate about half way across the world. They are relocating just a month before us. As it turns out due to a variety of reasons she will not be having a baby shower. She seemed to be ok with this, but I wasn't. Maybe it's just because I like to party or because she and I share a hormone disorder which means we faced many of the same challenges in pregnancy. I am over the moon with excitement to see her welcome a little one. We currently live about 10 hours apart by car. Our bank accounts would not be able to bridge our geographical gap before she moves.

I was really bummed when I realized I wouldn't see her mid pregnancy and get to rub her baby belly. I had planned on bringing her cupcakes and some gifts and having a baby shower with both couples and our daughter. Simple, special and a way of honoring both mom to be and her tiny blessing.

I resigned to sending her a few gifts and some cookies. Cookies because I know how to ship them and I happen to know she likes them, since we usually share some at Christmas time. A sort of baby shower in a box. Then I took that idea and I ran with it. I was going to give you a whole how to but it seems irrelevant to this particular post. (If you want the details you can leave a comment and we'll talk)

After confusing my friend a whole lot with tons of questions that seemed strange and contacting her husband, mother and a few friends to get some baby stat guesses I shipped out a box full of baby love with everything needed to have a baby shower for two. I also uploaded a video explaining all that was in the box. I mentioned in that video that thank you cards are great but I would much prefer a few pictures of them enjoying their baby shower in a box.

We ended up skyping through the whole box. It was a fantastic time! I was so happy to see them enjoying some treats and having fun! I was glad that they enjoyed their time and I was able to see on their faces how they felt. I set out to make them feel special and loved. Technology helped me see that I succeeded. It helped me to see things I wouldn't have seen ten years ago.

I sat back in amazement, feeling content.

So is it any surprise that today I am grateful for technology that bridged the gap our bank accounts couldn't? I think not!

May you be blessed today with technology bringing you closer to real live people whom you love!

Monday, May 2, 2011

Letting Go

Twenty two years ago my dad got sick.
Twelve years ago my dad died.
About seven years ago with the help of a friend I hunted down his cremated remains at the funeral home.
This summer I am taking him to his final resting place.

I had a long time to deal with all that. Yet this last step hurts like hell. This last little piece of letting go is stinging. I don't know why, I am just paying attention to it.

I didn't see this coming.

Today I am grateful for the happy times we spent together.
May you be blessed by living in the moment.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Exhausted & Overwhelmed

I don't know if I have ever been this tired. Everywhere I look there is an unfinished project. This week I have three tasks, one article, one blog post and one huge video editing project. So today I set out to finish up last weeks little unfinished pieces. I started off going strong. Then Paul and I had to switch and I had baby duty while he got some yard work done. She wore me down and I have lost my focus. I don't remember what it's like to have a day off. I don't know what it is like to feel rested and refreshed anymore.

I am absolutely overwhelmed by all the tasks around here waiting to be done. With spring comes added tasks of yard work. Something though about having a curious little toddler drains me. I remember the days when we could spend half a Saturday or Sunday working on all that needed to be done and now it takes us three Sundays to get that same work done.

God help us!