Friday, May 20, 2011

About Life

This is a blog about life and my quest to find gratitude in the mundane everyday ebb and flow. I read a lot of blogs that are either books in process or theologically based (read mini sermons). I really value those blogs. I get a lot out of them. Then I start thinking wow they have a lot of followers. Then I get this tainted thought of I should write more meaningful stuff. Then I go spiraling into this dark place of self doubt for not being like everyone else.

Truth is I am not any one else. This blog is meant to be about my story. About my journey and remaining grateful for all I have. About maintaining a lifestyle that is a little different than most of the people around me. A lifestyle that has no specific parameters other than not valuing stuff. A little side note on that... we are failing epically at that. As I prepare for our big move this summer I am drowning in stuff much of which I am hesitant to part with.

That all being said, today I am girl who finally had a good nights sleep because my toddler didn't want to play at 4 am. I am a girl that is so stressed out by trying to take care of my toddler and prepare to move that at times I can barely function with out the desire to scream at someone. I am a girl that is feeling every inch of insecurity that has ever existed in her being as she steps forward into living not just her dream but God's call on her life. I am a girl that second guesses herself because culture sometimes tells her that she should be content to raise a family and nothing more. I am a girl who fears damaging her child with what at times seems like a selfish choice. I am a girl who gets adoption and baby making on the brain when in need of distraction. I am a girl that is human and broken and in need of grace. I am a girl that won't write a theological reflection on grace but rather sit here and pray that somehow grace finds me and I am alert enough to feel it, see it, taste it.

Today my gratitude lies in knowing the grace I can't see, hear, feel or taste is there somewhere.
May you be blessed by grace.

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