This morning my friend from Uganda posted a picture of a little girl who needs a safe loving home. I want so badly to drop everything fund raise, fly to Uganda and just pick her up in my arms and love her and bring her home to be a part of our family. It breaks my heart when I see a child I know I can love and I can't actually go there and make them a part of our family and surround them in love. I can however love from a distance, which sounds incredibly cowardly and safe. I think we are called to get our hands dirty in love, not just love and pray from afar. Alas at times it is all we can do. I can't drop everything to go fight the Ugandan government so that I can bring this lil' babe home with me. I can't afford it and being a seminary student isn't the ideal time for expanding ones family.
I am certain that I have been called to this place in my life for a reason. I know I need to be here now and I know in the future our family will grow through adoption. I know our hearts will grow and swell with joy as we welcome a new child into our family, someday. Today is not the day but how I wish it could be.
It's odd isn't it, when I think about having another biological child my head swirls with how would we afford it, do I have enough love with in me to love another child, where would we all fit, could we give a second child what they need? Then I see a little orphan girl in Uganda and I say I can love her and care for her and easily fit her into my/our lives. It happens like that more often than not, I see a child that needs to be loved and I want to scoop them up and love them. I know it's not that simple that adopting can be traumatic for all parties involved. Hearts can be broken, adjustments are hard.
Today I am grateful for my friend Caleb and what he does for the children of Uganda. I am filled with gratitude because he inspires me to love like God loves. I am grateful for the wisdom to know now is not the time to act, even if it breaks my heart.
May you be blessed today by the love you have for a child.