A Thought

I have struggled with my weight from the time I was 5. That's when I got chunky. Baby fat, you will loose it. Then I got fat. Then I got made fun of. Then my world fell apart. Then I had an unhealthy relationship with food. Then it fell apart again. It got worse. I got bigger. My grandmother fed me because it made me happy.

OK so what...

I have since learned how to make better food decisions. I still slip up. I mean who doesn't love a brownie every now and then? The thing that confuses me is I was a very active kid, I ate the same things my siblings ate 90% of the time. All three of them are thin. When I learned to make better choices nothing really changed.

Lately though I have been really frustrated with my body. I don't know if it is age or post baby or all of the above but I can't seem to get it in check. I started BEFORE the holidays working on better decisions again. I was a bit lax since having Lilia on board. I maintain exercise regiments. I get nothing. Assuming it was that New Year's Resoltion related, I saw an article on Yahoo! yesterday about weight loss blogs. I should tell you I didn't make a resolution to loose weight, I made a resolution to make better choices. There is a difference. I gave up the loose 10000000 pounds resolution a long time ago. It is counter productive for me, I just set myself up for failure.

I read some of these blogs, they are kind of boring and it seems to me that what they are really showcasing is how people become obsessed with a new lifestyle and how great it is that they have to write about it every single day. Not my style. Earlier in the day before I looked at the story, I looked up nutrisystem. I looked at the vegetarian plan. How can a peanut butter chocolate bar be lunch? This seems bad for your body. The food seemed like it was all processed and refined and grossly over priced.

The thought crossed my mind of starting my own blog about my struggle. I wonder if I wrote it out if I would feel less frustration? If I posted about what I was eating, would it help me make even better decisions? I wouldn't post my weight. I don't know what I weigh, I don't own a scale and I won't. I feel like that is like shooting my self in the foot. I would be massively depressed and probably revert to eating for comfort.

I am just so tired of this body I have. I try to accept it. It's hard. I just want to like a picture of myself again.

I am grateful for knowing how to make good decisions.
May you be blessed with good decisions of your own!