Remembering

It wasn't that long ago that my life was entirely different. We were a couple, we were 20 something. We were in many ways carefree. We acted older than we were. Now we means a family which changes that dynamic a lot. We have to be home by bed time or pay someone to take care of our beloved so we can steal away a few moments here or there to ourselves. Although that usually involves some sort of event that we need to attend together that is less than lovely. Things like funerals or church functions that are practical not social.

So I suspect that my current rush of feelings comes from a canceled date. We thought this morning that we would do dinner and a movie as in a pay a sitter and enjoy a night out. We have an awesome sitter who was available last minute. It all seemed to be falling into place, our tax refund came so we could actually afford a little us time. While we have much more practical uses for the cash we allotted just a small amount to us. For a rare moment out. We can't afford a sitter most of the time so we only do things Lilia can do with us when there are no Grandmas visiting. I can't tell you the last time we ate dinner in an actual sit down restaurant. It was probably in October because we traveled and had two celebrations that month.

So I don't know if it was the disappointment of tonight being canceled or just where I am at in life. Tonight I have spent a good portion of Friday evening remembering how life used to be. I know that there is a chapter for everything. I was thinking about how I used to go to some sort of theatre production a few times a year. How once in a blue moon I would get a night out with the girls because we are so rarely all together. I never had a ton of ladies nights because I don't generally like the activities of ladies night and well Paul and I were young when we did well everything and I guess I just didn't establish those sorts of routines.

I find myself longing for a dinner out, a movie, a play, a night with girls. Anything to make Friday night mean something again and make the monotony stop. I know be careful what you wish for because in a years time I will be busy not bored and probably longing for the same things. Although I will be in a community where some of those things might actually happen. We don't get to do a lot of the things we used to out of sheer financial reasons. We have to budget well and entertainment takes a back seat especially when it requires childcare. I am hoping with our big move that maybe we will come to a place where we have resources for these things once or twice a month.

Overall I long for the time when all of my girlfriends save one, didn't live in NYC, Philly, Cincinnati, North Jersey, Virginia etc.

I need a break. I am not even stressed out just bored. We have been pretty socially active lately but I haven't found satisfaction just yet. Probably because it has been all family inclusive and if you are like me you know when with a group even if your Hubby has childcare under control you are still on edge because you don't want your kid to be "that kid".

So really I just wish Friday night meant something, anything.

Peace to you!