Visiting the Easter Bunny

When I was a little girl my Aunt Mur volunteered at the Fire House. We would go and eat breakfast or lunch and visit the Easter Bunny. The Easter Bunny of course was not the real Easter Bunny, it was an Easter Bunny helper in a costume, just like Santa. The Easter Bunny is way too busy to come all over for pictures. So one year, I am not sure how it happened but my Aunt tells me it involved a bribe with German Chocolate Cake, my dad was to be the Easter Bunny. He was picked of all the people to be the Easter Bunny's Special Helper.

Somehow I knew it was going to be him. Someone must have told me, probably because I was the kid who at 4 years old said that isn't Santa that is Uncle Doc I can see his hair. I would probably have noticed my father missing. So I was keeper of the secret, my dad was the Easter Bunny. I was maybe all of 5. I was never one of those kids who was afraid of the Easter Bunny or Santa. I saw my dad dressed as the Easter Bunny and I freaked out. I was a mellow kid, shy and pretty quiet. I had a full one hysterical fit of crying and sheer terror. I don't remember what it was about my dad in the bunny suit that made me loose my cool but I was so scared that I had to be convinced to go sit on his lap. There is a picture of this somewhere. I should look for it.

Today I was excited to take Lilia to the same Easter Bunny lunch. I find it really cool to do things with her that I can remember doing as a kid. I was very excited to take her. I wasn't sure how she would react to the over sized human like rabbit. She did incredibly well. She was so excited to see the bunny walk by while we were eating. Phew I thought no tears. She was pretty energetic because she had just napped on the way there. After she ate she was running around having a grand old time. I scooped her up and was chatting with my Aunt. I felt my side get warm and thought I need to change her diaper now. Then Paul starts freaking out what is going on. She was still peeing and it was running down her legs and sprinkling all over the floor right next to people eating. There was pee everywhere. So I said Paul clean the floor and I ran off to the ladies room to change her. All of her clothes save her t-shirt were wet. I had to change her into a jogging suit that was in the diaper bag. It took a while but I got her all cleaned up and headed out to the party. My shirt still visibly soaked in pee. The kicker, the diaper was still on and secured. How this happened is beyond me. I am just glad she didn't let it go on the bunny!

We got a fantastic picture of her with the Bunny in her little jogging suit.

I guess the truth is we can't go to an event like this with out one of us making it extra memorable.

Today I am grateful for time shared with Lilia, especially when our activities are ones I once enjoyed.

May you be blessed by a little pee pee shower of your own!

In Love

When you have been with someone as long as Paul and I have been together it is really easy to over look the little things you love about each other, at least this is true for me.

Today while in the throws of planning a birthday bash right before we move, I learned that two of our favorite little people wouldn't be able to make it that weekend. So I told him I don't want to upset the kids maybe we should move the date. With out skipping a beat, he said of course you have to move the date, we can't have it with out them. They really love her. They need to be here.

I was blown away. Paul has a huge heart. Since becoming a dad he wants to save all sorts of children. I have always known he has a huge heart. In that moment though I was highly impressed because he had a strong opinion on something that I didn't think he would. That opinion was straight from his heart. So there was this little twinkle of recognition...this is why you are with this man. He loves your family as much as you do. He wants them to feel included and loved.

Do I even have to say it?
Today I am grateful for Paul and this sparkling moment of recognition.
May you be blessed by some deep compassionate love.

Does God Care?

I have been reading a lot lately. I am not sure if this is preparing myself for the reading assignments that are awaiting me in just a few short months or if there is just an abundance of good reading out there right now.

As I read mostly about God and theology, I have been left wondering. Does God care who we have sex with? There is so much debate out there about who is in and who is out because of who they get it on with. There are those of us that say, hey God made you and you are just fine by me, then there are those who say you need to be cured. I wonder though if sometimes if we ascribe our caring to God as God's own?

Look around you at the world. There are children suffering terribly from hunger, poverty, unmet medical needs and horrific abuse. There are women sold into the sex trade. There are people tricked into slavery. The are young men and women the world over fighting in wars. There are the sick. The dying. Those suffering because of natural disasters like Japan who just this morning suffered another earth quake while the recovery from the last one is barely started. Genocide.

So I ask you again, do you really think God takes time everyday to look at who is sleeping with who?

I don't mean this to be God says go have an orgy. I really believe we are called to live morally. I just wonder sometimes how it is we as human get stuck on an "issue" like homosexuality, which really isn't an issue at all. Shouldn't we leave God to the judging? I am sure with all that is going on in the world, that God has a pretty full plate. At the end of the day I think we humans get caught up on the wrong things and then somehow we believe that God is hung up on the same exact thing as us.

It just doesn't make sense to me. I am sure there is something that I am caught up on that I ascribe to God that isn't God's at all. I think we all do.

This just really started bubbling up. I don't know why, so stay tuned.

Today I am grateful to be able to see that my side isn't always God's side or the right side.
May you be blessed today with some sort of revelation of self.

Leap. Of. Faith.

I am a planner by nature. It is just how I am. It is how I have always been. Even as a child I was planning well into the future. I spend months planning parties for my loved ones. I plan for holidays. I plan for trips. I plan events. I plan well in advance usually with lots of lists. I can say this for my planning neurosis, it helps when game day arrives. My planning ahead has made many a camping trips run smoothly. It has helped me maintain a very small budget for events. Planning ahead helps me shop around and get the best price. I have a decent imagination too, I tend to dream big way out of any budget I will ever lay my hands on. It usually inspires me to find a way to have my big ideas and stay on budget. I like lists. I like big ideas. I like dreams. I like having a plan.

Wedding planning was a breeze for me. Preparing for baby was a little more difficult because you only have an idea of when they will arrive. There is no set date to have all your ducks in a row.

I should tell you also that all the planning and budgeting I do, I am a terrible financial planner. I can stick to a budget but trying to plan finances well into the future blows my mind.

This morning while preparing further for our big move this summer. I wrangled Paul into a kitchen chair and we filled out all the financial forms for school this time around. I sent it off with hope that the news we receive back will be positive. The thing is this paperwork isn't even due until June 15. That means we likely will not hear anything back until we are actually in the process of moving. I have the move pretty much under control. I won't know how it is I am paying for school until we arrive! I have to take a leap of faith on this one. I have to have faith that(WARNING CHEESY CHRISTIAN PLEASANTRY TO FOLLOW) if God brought me to this place God will ultimately get me through this place. It's hard to rely on God, to trust in God and not find yourself drawn to the cheesy sayings you find in sympathy and get well cards.

This whole move though is a leap of faith trusting in God and I guess this is just one more step on the way. Trusting that above all if I am meant to be here, now in this place, that I will find a way to pay for this round of education. I have always managed before.

That has always been my prayer, God I hear you, I will trust you on this, but lead the way, show me because I don't see it.

I prayed that prayer often while going to MSU and preparing for my time at PTS. I still feel the same call if you can believe it, God hasn't given up on using me. Which still surprises me regularly. It's five years later and I still can't shake the seminary bee in my bonnet.

So here I am God, wide open, trusting in ways that are uncomfortable, that this is where I am called. I am following. Show me the way Lord. Show me the way. I am done, for now, with the digging in of my heals.


Today I am grateful for the patience, grace, love and call of God.
May you be blessed by a little bit of at least one of those things as well today.

Nagging Wild Goose

As you may have already gathered, I have been hemming and hawing over attending the Wild Goose Festival this summer. I have decided to go and not go at least three times. To be honest and I am not sure if this sort of honesty is breaking some sort of code but, personally I have been annoyed by the total lack of response to my two questions I sent. I should say that eventually after complaining on twitter I did get a response to one of my questions. The other I was able to hunt down when there were website changes a few weeks later.

This has kind of left a bad taste in my mouth. It makes me skeptical about what will go on once we get there. Will we be left to fend for ourselves if we have questions? Then I read that the focus would be prison justice. It's not that I don't think this area of justice is important. It is really important. I just don't know if I want to add it to my very full plate right now. I know that is selfish. I know Jesus probably is shaking his head art me because I know better.

Here is the thing that is bugging me. I have pretty much decided against going. It's both a timing and financial decision. Then all at once people start promoting it and I feel like if I don't go I am going to miss something huge. Like I should be there.

I wonder what the divine invitation might be there?

Today I am grateful for all that I have, even my indecisiveness.
May you be blessed with some of your own.

Pondering Limits

I found myself this weekend wondering if we have limits we are born with. It really is a silly thought but a serious question.

When I was a little girl my grandmother would feed me as much ice cream as I wanted anytime after lunch. She would let me have it again after dinner. She would give us huge bowls full. My grandmother really loved ice cream, she grew up during the depression so something like ice cream was a real treat. She made sure though that we had plenty and she wasn't shy about having some either. She ate it nearly every night summer or winter. I stayed with my grandparents a lot while my brother and father were ill. I ate a lot of ice cream in those years.

This weekend I was at an event where we were playing a getting to know you game of sorts. You picked a question out of a bowl and everyone in the group had to answer. I don't know why but recently almost every where I go when we are doing introductions people ask what is your favorite ice cream flavor. Then I have to be to awkward one who says I don't really like ice cream but if I had to pick it would be pumpkin pie or coffee if it isn't the fall. I eat ice cream maybe 2 or 3 times a year. I wonder if maybe in your life time you are born with the ability to enjoy something only so many times. I wonder if I used up all my love for ice cream as a kid? Could it even work like that?

I also find myself wondering frequently if you are only born with so much patience for certain situations. I feel often times like I wasted all my patience for children on other people's children because I really seem to lack it with my own child. I spent no less than 15 years working as a childcare provider. I spent hours patiently dealing with the most difficult of children. Then I also volunteers for years as a youth worker. Which if you have ever worked with teenagers and didn't off yourself, you know takes patience like you wouldn't believe you had. Why is it then that when my baby gets fidgety during a diaper change that I find my patience running short? Seriously did I use them all up?

Lastly, Paul hurt himself this weekend. I had to put my busy weekend plans on hold to take care of him. Something I have done before many times in my life. I have taken care of a higher than average number of sick, dying or injured people in my three decades. There isn't really a situation I haven't seen. I found myself really struggling with it this weekend. I don't think anyone enjoys it but I have always been able to suck it up and do it. This weekend I didn't have the patience I once had. We survived and he is back to doing most things for himself now. I have to wonder again have I used up all my tolerance cards?

What do you think?

Dating

Yesterday I encountered three references to dating. One was on a blog, one in a magazine article and one on the radio. Gasp, yes I still listen to the radio! Anyhow this is a pretty ordinary thing to see or hear. Our culture can be a little obsessive about dating and finding "the one". This morning when I looked at said magazine I had this thought, I would be terrible at this thing called dating.

I never really dated. Paul and I started "dating" in high school, which pretty much meant we hung out after school. Sometimes we saw a movie. We almost always paid our own way. We rarely went out to a dinner that didn't involve a drive through. We were after all kids just 16 and 17. I guess we got it right though, because here we are 14 years later.

I have never had to survive a break up. I broke up with someone once but that's it.

I started thinking about how awkward dating would be. Going out with a stranger and trying to impress them. Maybe it's trying to build a connection but it seems like a big game at times. Then who to go out with and where to go and who pays? What if it lasts a while, then you have to decide if you want to have sex with the person. Which in my case might be a bit complicated since my future profession requires stronger than average moral standards.

What about if you aren't interested in the person? You have to let them down. That can't be easy because no one sets out to hurt someone when they agree to dinner. Or at I hope not. What if you get dumped? Is it really devastating? I guess that all depends.

The thing that most blows my mind about it all, is there is a whole period of time where you didn't know this person. You really don't know much of their past. What if they are a stalker? A murderer on the run? How do you know anything they say is true? Paul and I we grew up together, and most people even those from a city like Paul, don't commit major crimes at age 11.

I mean I know that dating is doable and I am sure enjoyable.

The whole concept to me though seems foreign. I guess that just shows where I have been. What my life experience has taught me.

You had to see this coming, today I am grateful that I am married, to someone with whom I share so much history.
May you be blessed with a good date with your spouse or other wise this weekend.