Fire

On Saturday we were on our way home from the beach. We dropped off our Dear Kenz and as we left her neighborhood we discussed if we should go home or keep driving to keep Lilia asleep. We opted to keep driving when we noticed a huge plume of smoke. We couldn't tell where it was coming from. So we drove toward it. I know how incredibly stupid this is to do. I know that I could get in the way of rescue workers. Well it was pretty easy to find. Much to our demise it was not in a wooded area as we first thought. It was a home already burnt to the ground on one side.

The crazy thing was there were so many people going to see what was going on and getting out of their cars and just watching. From the amount of people in the street you would think there was a street fair of some sort. I'll be honest I did get out of the car for a minute to peak around the corner. That was it though one minute. I don't want to be there in the way or gawking at some one else's loss. At this point you don't know if there has been a loss of life. So we drove away and I said to Paul, we should like do something for those people.

Yesterday we drove past again after things settle down. Confirming it was not the house of someone we knew. I had read in the paper that while no humans perished a dog and some birds did. Very sad. As we drove past the family was outside sorting through what was salvageable. I felt like an ass for driving past. Beyond that though I wanted to do something for them. I mean they just lost all their material possessions. This is where it gets tricky because what do you do. The people sorting through things seemed to be like a mom and maybe two teenage girls. So my head went racing. We were on our way to Target and I was obsessive I felt horrible for these people. Your house and your pets all in one day. I mean I don't know how other people feel but I think my pets would upset me way more than my house. Anyhow we went through the options. We could drop off some water and lunch. We could send a gift card to a store like Target or Walmart that has so many different items because they need everything. We could stop and ask what we could do. We feared though in that overwhelming moment we would be a bother and not a help. So we settled on let's think about it.

When you look at it gets socially awkward to offer a stranger help even if that is really what you want to do. In our hearts we wanted to stop and do something to help these people it didn't matter that we do not know who they are. Yet it did because it has made us hesitant to do something. It is awkward to say hey do you need some lunch? I wish it wasn't so. If it was your best friend you would just show up with lunch because you already know what they eat and what they need. All I am left with is my human instinct. We came with in two inches of stopping and dropping off water but decided against it as we didn't know if they would still be there. I mean we had it in the cart.

So what does one do in this situation. I am half tempted to go over there this morning and talk to someone. Or leave a note or something. I still am left feeling compelled to do something. I can't shake it. So I am going to go face the awkwardness of it all. It is after all for the human good. If nothing else I can send a gift card to the address as I know mail will get forwarded. I will keep you updated as to what we decide to do.

Now another thought. This is the third destructive house fire I know of in town this summer. This isn't the norm around here. I am wondering if there is a correlation between economic hardship and house fires. I mean I don't even know if economic hardship existed in any of these homes. It's just a thought. Paul also mentioned you see more fires in cities so it would make sense because normally cities are more economically pressed even in good times. So that's just an unrelated thought.

Update:
As I was writing this entry I went back to the newspaper website where the article is posted to see if there was an update. There was not but there were more comments on the story. I braced myself and read them because normally you have some jerk on there making nasty remarks or bringing in politics like some how this house fire was Obama's fault and then someone counters with no it was Bush's fault. Really people just shut up. There in the comments I read something horrific. The woman whose house burned was at her baby shower when it happened! Then confirmed in another comment by the mother in law. Now I know this could all be lies. However, I just started bawling. At least now I know what I can do as they are expecting a little girl.

First though research to confirm the truth.

Anyhow, please today pray to your God for these people.

Timothy

When I woke up this morning I was running short on inspiration for a blog entry. Then e-mail from Rhita in Uganda came. This is always such a joy. Rhita might be the most amazing woman I know couple with Caleb, her husband, who is the most amazing man I know. Caleb and Rhita take in street children. Kids whose families can't afford to take care of them or who have abandon them. The kids turn to the streets to make a living for them selves begging. Some of the girls sell their bodies for food, not like a three course meal, I mean a muffin. When they get pregnant the cycle starts all over again. Caleb and Rhita are there breaking this cycle one child at a time.
In July of 2008 when I stayed with Caleb and Rhita Mirembe had just come to live with them. She looked not a day over two but she was four. She was abandon by her family because she has Sickle Cell Anemia. Mirembe captured my heart in a way no other child ever had. I fell in love with her. It was the moment I knew that adopted children would be in my future.

This morning I was introduced to Timothy via e-mail. He is also four but looks about 2. He has spinal cord damage and cannot speak or sit or eat solid foods. His parents just left him and my dear friends have taken him in. So here meet Timothy.
I should say yes this is a male child even though he is wearing pink socks and a princess jacket. In Africa if clothing fits you wear it, gender doesn't matter. This was proven by the man I saw walking around Burundi with the top of a cheer leading outfit on in place of a shirt.

So I am sitting here this morning fighting the urge to get on a plane to Uganda and swipe up little Timothy and love on him.

If you are like me you might have the initial instinct to say what kind of parent just leaves their sick child. I will say that is not something that is exclusively African. When I was a little girl and my baby brother had cancer we spent a lot of time in the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. My brother was 5 so he had a room but out by the nurses station were 5 little babies with IVs in high chairs that had been left there by their parents. I have often wondered about them. I was only 7 but it disturbed me then.

Join me today in praying for Timothy and Mirembe and my five mystery babies from CHOP back in 1989. Also for Caleb and Rhita as they truly do God's work.

Bad Feeling

So this morning my mom was talking to her cousins. A pretty normal thing she has 33 of them. They asked how old Lilia was and she goes she turned one on the 8th and I said no mom it was the 5th and she said oh right you are the 8th no mom I am the 20th. So I had to remind her our wedding anniversary which was also my dad's birthday was the 8th of a different month as is my birthday in another month which I think she knew.

It was the strangest thing it was like she left and went somewhere else but her mouth was still talking.

It really upset me for a variety of reasons but I have probably said enough on the matter in this public space.

Test

So on Sunday I preached about how those moments when Lilia is driving me crazy are just as much a part of the answered prayer as the day of her birth. Yesterday oh how I was tested. She made me nearly mad! Mad as in crazy. She became overnight a little tornado that won't sit still or nap. I started to wonder how will I survive this stage. I also firmed up my plans on having an only child. Then I started to wonder how am I going to go to school and raise her at the same time. I can barely go to the bathroom let alone study. Even though Paul takes her often at night it is still highly distracting because he interrupts me and she cries at some point. I am going to need a study plan as much as I need a schedule and a settled home before school starts. This is so much work! I mean I knew it would be but it still surprises me sometimes.

Sometimes I worry I wasted all my patience on the kids I have cared for over the years. I have watched kids day in and day out since I was 12. Is it possible that spending the last 18 years, did I just say that I am old, wore out my patience and ability to care for my own child? Or was it just a rough couple of days as are likely on this parenting journey?

I read somewhere recently that mother's shouldn't want me time or something along those lines. I can't remember where I read it or what exactly it said. I wish I could remember and reread it because I just disagree with that statement so much.

Self Reflection?

I am back at my own house today and feeling crushed in by it. The other house has a much more open floor plan and I think that just works for me and my mental health.

The entire time we stayed there I didn't have the itch to get out of the house or go shopping. I am home twelve hours and I am thinking of all the places I could go! So call it what you want. I am noticing.

Preaching Review

So I like to take time to reflect on my experiences especially new ones. After I preached today, thoughts were just gushing out of my head so instead of instant nap. I am going to write them out just to get them out of my head.

Preaching gives you a whole different perspective on church. The single thing that surprised me the most was how interesting it was to see all the people. I suddenly felt very connected to everyone even though I don't know all of them. I know many of the faces, many names even but not everyone. I was just overwhelmed with how much we really do need each other. This is not how I normally think about things. So God was stretching me as I was trying to stretch others.

There were a few little blunders but for a first time it wasn't bad. People responded really well to the message I was trying to send out there. So dare I say it, I am proud of myself for today. That is not something I often feel on a level where I just want to gush about it. I learned so much from this experience. I must admit I was a little afraid of doing well because I would be asked to step up again. I think I would though. I think I would very willingly. Although I am quite relieved that I do not have to do it again next week.

I was over whelmed at the hugs and the positive feed back I received. Comments from you are not alone we have all had those days to great job, and my favorite, You really touched/moved me. Really I did? Awesome! That's the whole point of preaching isn't it? To help people connect with God in some way? I was surrounded by some amazing women too. It really helped calm my nerves.

That's the other thing I didn't feel my nerves until right when I started to speak and they quickly gave way to a little confidence. Such a new experience for me. I didn't feel like I was in a room full of strangers either. I felt like I was with friends and family. Even though I missed some of the people I am closest to.

So all things considered I am a happy girl! I had more to say but it is slipping my mind and I really want to nap. Thanks to all my supporters!

Noticing

The past few weeks I have been house sitting for friends of ours. At one of the houses I am more comfortable than I am in own home. Is that weird? I am not sure. I think it is. Then again my home really isn't my own. In this house there is room to breathe and I don't feel like I have to constantly be in a state of cleaning. Maybe because so little of what is in here is actually my own stuff. It has be resting where it's respective owners left it. It is of no concern to me if it feels out of place. There are a few little undone projects around here and if this were my house these things would make me crazy. However here I just didn't notice them after a few days. I wonder what this all means? Maybe it doesn't mean anything at all. What does it tell me about my stuff or the quantity of my stuff?

I am not sure of anything other than I am sad I have to leave soon and go back to a house where it feels like someone is sitting on my chest all the time. Where little bits of dirt no one will ever notice make me seem neurotic. It is all so strange but it has felt for the most part like a vacation.