Remembering

It wasn't that long ago that my life was entirely different. We were a couple, we were 20 something. We were in many ways carefree. We acted older than we were. Now we means a family which changes that dynamic a lot. We have to be home by bed time or pay someone to take care of our beloved so we can steal away a few moments here or there to ourselves. Although that usually involves some sort of event that we need to attend together that is less than lovely. Things like funerals or church functions that are practical not social.

So I suspect that my current rush of feelings comes from a canceled date. We thought this morning that we would do dinner and a movie as in a pay a sitter and enjoy a night out. We have an awesome sitter who was available last minute. It all seemed to be falling into place, our tax refund came so we could actually afford a little us time. While we have much more practical uses for the cash we allotted just a small amount to us. For a rare moment out. We can't afford a sitter most of the time so we only do things Lilia can do with us when there are no Grandmas visiting. I can't tell you the last time we ate dinner in an actual sit down restaurant. It was probably in October because we traveled and had two celebrations that month.

So I don't know if it was the disappointment of tonight being canceled or just where I am at in life. Tonight I have spent a good portion of Friday evening remembering how life used to be. I know that there is a chapter for everything. I was thinking about how I used to go to some sort of theatre production a few times a year. How once in a blue moon I would get a night out with the girls because we are so rarely all together. I never had a ton of ladies nights because I don't generally like the activities of ladies night and well Paul and I were young when we did well everything and I guess I just didn't establish those sorts of routines.

I find myself longing for a dinner out, a movie, a play, a night with girls. Anything to make Friday night mean something again and make the monotony stop. I know be careful what you wish for because in a years time I will be busy not bored and probably longing for the same things. Although I will be in a community where some of those things might actually happen. We don't get to do a lot of the things we used to out of sheer financial reasons. We have to budget well and entertainment takes a back seat especially when it requires childcare. I am hoping with our big move that maybe we will come to a place where we have resources for these things once or twice a month.

Overall I long for the time when all of my girlfriends save one, didn't live in NYC, Philly, Cincinnati, North Jersey, Virginia etc.

I need a break. I am not even stressed out just bored. We have been pretty socially active lately but I haven't found satisfaction just yet. Probably because it has been all family inclusive and if you are like me you know when with a group even if your Hubby has childcare under control you are still on edge because you don't want your kid to be "that kid".

So really I just wish Friday night meant something, anything.

Peace to you!

Wrong?

Do you ever find yourself wondering what if you have it all wrong? What if you are supposed to be a party planner or teacher, not a scholar or theologian? Or where ever else seminary might lead. I mean to be completely honest with out having to deal with insane and spoiled people, party planning would be an awesome gig for me. Why then take the harder route?

I guess because it isn't about the money. I do not desire status symbols like a car or a fancy house. Recently I have been toying with the idea of never buying a house. A car is a car it's purpose is to get me from point A to point B not to be flashy and impress people around me. If they are my family in theory they already love me, like I guess is optional, and if they are my friends they are choosing me. Surely a real friend wouldn't judge me based on what I am driving and if they are then they aren't my friend are they. So much of life in the US is about status symbols and I see that and I kind of hate it. It's like living for someone else. I know Paul and I have a unique world view. It becomes evident anytime we have a conversation about such things. Last weekend some one said to me that old adage you should never talk religion or politics. I said but religion is my life's work so while you talk about your job this is my job. Not to mention I should have said, we need to talk about religion more because that will lead to understanding. Has there ever been a time where we needed to understand each other more?

All that said, I do hope to bring in some money when I am done with school. Does that making me a hypocrite? I don't know. I am just saying I would be lying to you if I didn't say that my hope is that completing the Master's Degree would lead to some sort of gainful employment.

I wonder if my daughter will gain my lack of desire of material things, or just hate me for it?

Today I am grateful for how I see the world, however unpopular that view is and how unpopular it makes me.
May you be blessed today to see the world in your own way, in a way that isn't dictated by your family, friends or the general culture around you.

Oh to Remember

Last night I happened upon the page of my major high school crush on a social networking site. I didn't go looking for it. He commented on the page of a mutual friend. This the first boy I pictured my life with, mind you we never dated, we were "friends" more like acquaintances then. He used to drive me home from school once in awhile. My heart would race just sitting next to him the whole 3/4 mile journey. My girl friends would give me advice. One even told me how he used to check out my behind every morning at my locker. Which at the time I saw as a good thing, now I would probably hit him.

Eventually I agreed to let someone tell him I liked him. It didn't go well at all. It was the first time I ever did something like that and now I think it would have been much better to say something myself. Anyhow, he asked out one of my closest friends two weeks later. She called me hysterical. I wasn't upset with her. He and I though we stopped talking. We kind of faded into all things high school past. We called each other names as we went our separate ways. I should mention a year later when we crossed paths again, he did apologize, which I thought was kind of him.

I have often wondered I wonder how his life turned out? (As I do with many people.) So being able to see parts of his social networking page was interesting. Here's what I can tell you, there is a Garth Brooks song called Unanswered Prayers. It is basically about how sometimes he thanks God for unanswered prayers. One line in the song is how he and his wife ran into his high school girlfriend and how he is really glad his life turned out other than how he wanted it too then.

It has been playing in my head since. I had a good laugh at myself last night and those silly times that seemed so important then, that now are such an insignificant blip on the radar screen. In case you are curious I didn't add him to my network. I didn't see the point.

Today I am very grateful for how my life has turned out. I didn't know it then but the right boy for me was there all along on the other side of my locker. This coming Monday will mark 14 years since Paul asked me to "be his girlfriend". I am kind of glad I said yes. ;-) I didn't know it then but that little rejection was leading me to love and really eventually my baby girl. Oh hind site how lovely you are!

May you be blessed today by laughing at yourself, especially your former self!

Choice

Yesterday my housing packet came in the mail along with the financial aid packet. I didn't got through them very much because Lilia was trying very hard to tear them up as they are colorful paper. We have to choose our move in date... we can't decide Mid July or Early August. We are leaning towards early August which would complicate Lilia's birthday just a little seeing as we will only be in our new home for about 4 days when she has her birthday and we would want to make that day really special for her. I am planning on having a party before the move to celebrate with family and friends.

It is becoming very real. The past week or so we haven't done much move related. Now it's back in the foreground and my heart is beating a little faster. Now if we could just settle on when to move. It would be really good to have the date.

May you be blessed today with a new adventure.
Today I am grateful for this new chapter in our lives.

I like parties.

I think just about everyone knows this about me. I can be almost obsessive when I am planning one. I can take themes to a new level. I can theme decorations or food or both. I can keep it simple. I can keep it in a budget. I can make things. Overall if you are celebrating something the whole idea is to make the guest of honor and their guests feel special. Wedding aside I doubt I have ever spent even $1000 on a party.

I do enjoy all things party related. I go to the party store for fun. I keep ideas in a notebook. I love shows about fancy cakes or weddings. So you know I was a sucker for TLCs new Outrageous Kid Parties. I made use of the DVR Monday night and yesterday during nap time I indulged. I was interested to see what a party with no cap on the budget would look like. Well this six year old little brat er I mean girl had a birthday party that was exquisite and cost more than my wedding and had more guests to boot. The party was beautiful! No detail was left undone. There were costumes and characters and professional dancers. A cake that rivals many wedding cakes. It was beautiful and well thought out and probably the best money could buy for that part of the world.

Now that being said the behavior of all involved on the show was down right ugly! The teenage children of the couple were probably the most realistic. They knew it was completely over the top. The little girl was a monstrously bratty child. The mother was just as bad. The father enabled the whole thing. The point of contact at the venue offered to make an invoice the husband sees versus the real thing, right in front of the kid. Mom later says you can keep a secret from daddy right? In reference to another expense. It was crazy. I am not sure I can handle watching it again.

Behind

I am so far behind it isn't funny. Last week was pretty much wiped out in it's entirety by the cold that just would quit. Friday I actually thought I might have to go seek help. Saturday I felt pretty good. Sunday was another great day. Monday I felt pretty good. We went to see our friends. Today I woke up feeling sick again. I better not be getting this again, I can't take it! I rarely get sick. I never get sick for a whole week. I am so far behind on everything. I have writing projects piled high. I have moving goals that have been on my "this week" to do list for nearly 3 weeks now. I have gotten caught up on the house work which is a plus.

I was hoping that I could use the remaining 4 days this week to get caught up on my writing tasks, a little video editing and moving tasks but I can tell you right now that today is out. All I want to do is grab a blanket and watch all my dvr recordings from the past week.

May you be blessed with energy today!

Radio Waves

I am going to go all science geek on you today. I have a little clock radio in my kitchen that I listen to in the morning while I get some chores done. We have almost always had a radio in the kitchen. Lately though no matter what radio I try it is nearly impossible to tune in a station with out bleeding over or just plain old interference. Now when I was a child I could tune in stations from both NYC and Philadelphia on my radio. Now I can barely tune one in that is just 30 miles away. So what has changed?

That is what I started thinking the other day. Then it occurred to me. Our cell phones and all of our wireless gadgets work on radio waves just a different part of the spectrum. If we could see them I am pretty sure we are in a constant state of bombarding our bodies with radio waves and there is nothing we can do to stop it. Could it be with so much new technology that makes used of the radio wave spectrum, that it is interfering with my radio reception? I ran it past Paul who firmed up my thoughts on radio waves, I had to make sure I wasn't wrong in saying all our wireless stuff uses the same sort of waves. (Save your remote that is infrared.)

We came to a conclusion, while your cell phone or wireless internet won't actually interfere with you radio because they read different wave lengths, it could be that the The air is so full of radio waves on frequencies that weren't being used before that our little radios are having a hard time tuning in any one station with out interference. Do you follow?

I wonder if I should send this one into the Mythbusters or if they have already done it.

Thoughts?