Thursday, March 10, 2011

Lenten Journey

Last year this blog started as part of my Lenten quest. To find gratitude in the every day. As part of that I gave up facebook for awhile. Which seems to be the in thing to do this year, I guess I was ahead of the curve, even if there are many resistors to this sort of thing out there. For me it was about facebook taking up too much of my time. It worked for me. I emerged with my heart a bit more open and my priorities revised.

This year I have taken on a different posture for Lent, it wasn't intentional at all, I just found myself longing yesterday for God. I found myself longing for a few quiet moments in which to write and pray and get my thoughts out of my head where they seem consuming. Something about putting them on paper helps me a lot. So I have spent a least a little while of the past few days having this what - am - I - going - to - give -up - for - Lent - in - order -to - make - space - for - God- to - fill - in - the - empty - spaces debate. I never really found anything other than using Lent to curb my soda addiction. Which I guess is an OK thing but I don't see how not drinking soda will bring me closer to God. I feel constantly lately like I am searching for something. I am not sure what it is I am searching for.

So today, a day late, I have decided that this Lent I am on a Journey to find what it is I am looking for. I plan on seeking out God and maybe ultimately that is what my soul is longing for but I am open to other possibilities. To do this I have kind of made my own plan of God focus for the next 39 days. It's a multi-part plan.

The first part is my personal journey. I have, through social networking, discovered both a blog series and a daily devotional on the web. So I will be taking a few moments each day to spend time in reading and reflection. Then it's on to find one song everyday that has some sort of God focus. I think I will try to find recommendations for this although I am not sure how. This will also involve blogging about the journey. So you my readers are coming with me on this journey. I am not sure what I will have to say but I will try to be as transparent as possible.

The second part of this journey is communal. I am not going to lie I was spending time yesterday debating which Lenten group/activity I would join in at church. One because I am searching and it is nice to have community. Two because I have been totally MIA at church lately for a variety of reasons. I have found something about myself though, when I struggle I step back away from church and community. That's stupid we are in it together aren't we? I don't want to live a repeat of my Princeton Days. I need to get it together before Louisville. So as I shared my grueling decision of Communal Centering Prayer or a Group Discussing "God Stuff" a dear friend said to me basically suck it up and drag your sorry butt to both, no it's too early excuses. Yep he was right. I was being whiny about the whole thing. So from this point forward my behind will be at church both weekend days by 8:30 am. It's only six weeks and it does give me two hours a week to focus on me (and God). So while I am full of questions, I am running to community not away from it. It's not comfortable for me. I suspect this means I will grow in the process.

The third part of this journey is like a little mini new year's resolution section. Basically going back to kicking my soda addiction, I need to make some better choices and now seems as good a time as any to start making them. Working out needs to get back into my regular schedule as after not being able to breathe I took a break and did that whole not starting it all back up again.

The last part of the journey is living the questions that are weighing me down. Some of them I can share here and others aren't appropriate for the blog so my journal will be my friend there. The looming question for which I need to live into the answer is whether or not I should seek ordination. Again. So you will probably be hearing a lot about that part of the questions. I seem to be in a constant state of questioning my call too. Then I get angry that I have ignored it for so long so maybe a little resolution there as well.

Maybe this is all too much but it really adds up to just a few hours a week.

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