I am a planner by nature. It is just how I am. It is how I have always been. Even as a child I was planning well into the future. I spend months planning parties for my loved ones. I plan for holidays. I plan for trips. I plan events. I plan well in advance usually with lots of lists. I can say this for my planning neurosis, it helps when game day arrives. My planning ahead has made many a camping trips run smoothly. It has helped me maintain a very small budget for events. Planning ahead helps me shop around and get the best price. I have a decent imagination too, I tend to dream big way out of any budget I will ever lay my hands on. It usually inspires me to find a way to have my big ideas and stay on budget. I like lists. I like big ideas. I like dreams. I like having a plan.
Wedding planning was a breeze for me. Preparing for baby was a little more difficult because you only have an idea of when they will arrive. There is no set date to have all your ducks in a row.
I should tell you also that all the planning and budgeting I do, I am a terrible financial planner. I can stick to a budget but trying to plan finances well into the future blows my mind.
This morning while preparing further for our big move this summer. I wrangled Paul into a kitchen chair and we filled out all the financial forms for school this time around. I sent it off with hope that the news we receive back will be positive. The thing is this paperwork isn't even due until June 15. That means we likely will not hear anything back until we are actually in the process of moving. I have the move pretty much under control. I won't know how it is I am paying for school until we arrive! I have to take a leap of faith on this one. I have to have faith that(WARNING CHEESY CHRISTIAN PLEASANTRY TO FOLLOW) if God brought me to this place God will ultimately get me through this place. It's hard to rely on God, to trust in God and not find yourself drawn to the cheesy sayings you find in sympathy and get well cards.
This whole move though is a leap of faith trusting in God and I guess this is just one more step on the way. Trusting that above all if I am meant to be here, now in this place, that I will find a way to pay for this round of education. I have always managed before.
That has always been my prayer, God I hear you, I will trust you on this, but lead the way, show me because I don't see it.
I prayed that prayer often while going to MSU and preparing for my time at PTS. I still feel the same call if you can believe it, God hasn't given up on using me. Which still surprises me regularly. It's five years later and I still can't shake the seminary bee in my bonnet.
So here I am God, wide open, trusting in ways that are uncomfortable, that this is where I am called. I am following. Show me the way Lord. Show me the way. I am done, for now, with the digging in of my heals.
Today I am grateful for the patience, grace, love and call of God.
May you be blessed by a little bit of at least one of those things as well today.