So on Sunday I preached about how those moments when Lilia is driving me crazy are just as much a part of the answered prayer as the day of her birth. Yesterday oh how I was tested. She made me nearly mad! Mad as in crazy. She became overnight a little tornado that won't sit still or nap. I started to wonder how will I survive this stage. I also firmed up my plans on having an only child. Then I started to wonder how am I going to go to school and raise her at the same time. I can barely go to the bathroom let alone study. Even though Paul takes her often at night it is still highly distracting because he interrupts me and she cries at some point. I am going to need a study plan as much as I need a schedule and a settled home before school starts. This is so much work! I mean I knew it would be but it still surprises me sometimes.
Sometimes I worry I wasted all my patience on the kids I have cared for over the years. I have watched kids day in and day out since I was 12. Is it possible that spending the last 18 years, did I just say that I am old, wore out my patience and ability to care for my own child? Or was it just a rough couple of days as are likely on this parenting journey?
I read somewhere recently that mother's shouldn't want me time or something along those lines. I can't remember where I read it or what exactly it said. I wish I could remember and reread it because I just disagree with that statement so much.