The Jacks

So I have these friends Thomas and Filomena. I met Tom first when he and I were both getting in touch with our inner religion junkie at Montclair State University. At some point during my studies there I met the lovely Filomena. She really is lovely, I remember it quite clearly she was doing something crafty and had hot pink hair and offered me snacks. First I must say you have never ever in your life seen someone with hot pink hair that looks so very natural on them. The snacks are like her signature move if she were some sort of celebrity. Hospitality is definitely one of their strong points.

Anyhow every time Paul and I have a chance to hang out with them we part ways and Paul and I can't stop talking about them. I don't mean in the OMG did you see her dress it was hideous sort of way. I mean in the we just met a celebrity and kept our cool but now we are freaking out sort of way. So a while back Paul and I had a long ride home from their house and they of course were our subject matter. After we both expressed we wished we could be more like them. I believe Paul said he feels very vanilla after we hang together. We went on a quest to figure out why that was. So here are our observations.

Both Filomena and Thomas are very passionate people. Their passions are as diverse as the clouds in the sky. Each has their own and they share some. I am not going to take the time to list it all here but know they are many. The one passion that stands out though is the passion they have for one another. It is like there is some invisible secret cord that ties them together. I do not imply that this is some type of thread but rather a braided cord that is strong enough to tether a cargo ship. This my friends is a sacred passion that you know is almost holy in some sort of way and while you look at it amorously from a distance you never ever touch it. I think this is worth mentioning because I think it is rare. I do not often see married folks look at each other like this and gush about one another like this.

Two people so in love and committed to it seems like something only seen in movies. I never hear them talk badly of one another. Actually that is one of the things I love most about them. They don’t talk about people other than in relating stories. They aren’t saying mean or hurtful things. Usually if they are telling you about someone else it is about how talented or incredible they are.You also never hear them complaining. Can I just say I love that? Paul and I have committed to doing less complaining and people bashing and it helps to see two people for whom it seems to be so very natural. They take an honest interest in what you have to say too. Our conversations go from religion to art to music to movies to books. They have depth… I love that. I love to be around passionate people. Brilliant well rounded well informed people who don’t push their ideas on you, they just present them for consideration. They are also comfortable enough in their own skin to disagree with you and not just shake their heads in agreement in fear of damaging the relationship.

I could go on for days on each of these subjects however I will just give you a few more broad strokes of what we have observed in them. Kindness, compassion, diversity in interests, they are both brilliant in some fantastic sort of way are just some of the things we have named about them when on our quest.

The last one I will comment on at length is how comfortable they are in their own skin. They are who they are and they do not apologize for it. Yet it isn't in an in your face I am me like it or scram way. Maybe this is normal for most people but remember this is Paul and I making observations and Paul and I often apologize for who we are and in writing that down it sounds incredibly silly. So you can see why it caught our attention.

Now what does all this mean for me and my Mr. Man aka Paul? It means that first of all we are incredibly blessed to know such people. We are blessed further because being with them makes us want to strive to be better people. For example I noticed that I probably do not say enough kind things about Paul. They are both also vegan and I can tell you that while I have no intentions of becoming vegan and for the most part reject meat in my diet, that after seeing them I feel just a twinge of guilt when I butter my toast in the morning. (Somehow I think this single line in here will give them the greatest joy.) I think this is what friendship should be like, what better gift can you give to someone than to inspire them to be the best person they can be while just being yourself?

It also means we hope that our Lilia gets to know them as she grows up because we think they can teach her a lot about being passionate, kind, generous, hospitable and the list goes on. Most importantly though I hope she observes their love for each other and takes note for herself how wonderful that kind of love can be and pursues it her own life and relationships. Examples of love outside your parents are very important after all because every one knows that if you are lucky it isn't until your child is 15 or so that they think you are totally lame in every way. It's funny how after you have a child you view your friends just a little different because you want to surround them with loving people who are healthy examples for them.



You know it is really nice to write about people who inspire me. I feel a series coming on. Watch out no one is safe! In an attempt to be comfortable in my own skin (something I have been working really hard on lately with the help of another amazing friend/mentor)I will spare you the ramble I had prepared apologizing for featuring just two of my many friends.